WHAT YOU GET DEPENDS ON WHAT YOU SEE

Read the book The Blind Men and the Elephant. What does this book say about seeing things only from one perspective? Look through a kaleidoscope to see how things change simply by seeing them a different way.

What does it mean to Walk a mile in the other person's moccasins? Have you ever felt bad for someone else? That is empathy! Empathy consists of the capacity to place yourself in the role of the other person and seeing things the way that he would. Empathy taps into the part of you that remembers a similar time of being hurt--you look at someone who is hurting through your old eyes of remembering hurt feelings. Feeling empathy helps us understand others and practice peace.

There are always two sides to a conflict. The inability to see the situation from the other person's perspective contributes to rigid thinking and prejudice. Did your ever see a horse with eye blinders on? Walk stiff legged around the room with your hands on both sides of your eyes like horse binders. What do you see? See how your perspective narrows when you can only see one way.

Helper Words for Children:

• I'll look at this action through his eyes. Now through her eyes.
• Maybe I can learn something if I look at both side.
• I can walk in his moccasins and see how he sees it.
• I feel good about letting people have their own opinions.
• We agree to disagree. You don't have to see it my way. I don't have to see it yours.
• I can see my part in what happened. I can see it both ways.
• I watch how I make myself unhappy and stop those negative thoughts.
• I can see things differently now. I can make an attitude adjustment.
• I'll see it from her point of view.
• I break into my negative thoughts. I am flexible in my thinking.

Things to Remember:

• If you keep on doing the same old thing, you will keep on getting what you have always gotten. Do it differently!
• Practice positive self talk to break into old habits that make you feel bad about yourself. Tell yourself, I can see it both ways.
• Use your Helper Words to expand your horizons.

WAYS TO TELL YOURSELF YOU DID A GOOD JOB

• Tell yourself, I worked hard and did a good job.
• Give yourself a pat on the back. Tell yourself, Right on!
• You can feel good about what you did. Say, Exxxxx--celent!
• I did one fantastic job.
• Remind yourself, I feel good when you see a job well done."



I LEARN HOW TO THINK

Helper Words to Figure Things Out

• I can think up many solutions to this problem. I'll list them.
• I know that there is always more than one choice to any problem.
• If the choice is between A and B, I'll take X, Y or Z. Or strawberry jam. Or pizza!
• The more choices I have, the healthier I am!
• I can always make choices that make me feel good!
• I feel good when I choose things that represent who I really am--a loving human being!

Stopping and Thinking First:

• Wait a minute, I'd better think about this.
• What will happen to him if I do that?
• How will it effect me if I choose this solution?
• If I choose ____ then I have to take the consequences.
• This is one of those If I ___, then ____ will happen."

Breaking the Problem Down into Steps:

• I better take this apart and look at it.
• I'll take this one step at a time and figure it out.
• Let's see, the first step is _______, the next step is _____.
• I wonder how many steps are to this problem. I'll count them....

Seeing Things Through Other People's Eyes

• There is more than one way to think about this.
• I can walk in his moccasins and see how he sees it.
• I feel good about letting people have their own opinions.
• We can agree to disagree. You don't have to see it my way.

Neat Things to Say When You Don't Want to Do Something:

• Wait a minute! I don't want to do that.
• Why would I ever consider doing that?
• That doesn't fit for me. That's not for me.
• Hey, I'm strong enough inside to say no. I don't want to do that.
• I feel good about not giving into peer pressure.

These ideas are taken from I Stop My Bully Behavior, a curriculum for helping children. The kit can be ordered through Talk, Trust & Feel, 1120 Buchanan Ave. Charleston, IL 61920. Teachers and therapists may request a free catalog of books, kits, lesson plans and toys to help children learn positive social skills to deal with their anger.

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