Harry Learns to Make Friends

Jim: Hey Dude, you look kind of tough and unhappy. Are you trying to scare me by acting tough? I'm sorry you aren't feeling good inside. Maybe I can do something to help. What's wrong?

Harry: Well, I am tough. I'm the biggest, meanest kid around. You had better be afraid of me.

Jim: I know that tough kids are kids who have been hurt by others. They act tough to cover up their hurt feelings. They tease and bother others because someone has teased them. Then the other kids don't want to play with them. And they feel even worse and do even more things that hurt others. Is that how it is with you? Did someone bigger than you hurt you? Tell me about it.

Harry: Nah. Not me. I'm too big and tough. I'm tougher than anyone. Nobody can hurt me.

Jim: Maybe just once--maybe a grownup or a bigger kid teased you and called you names. Or maybe he laughed at you for crying and being weak? Think real hard. We can figure this out.

Harry: Well, that big kid down the block beat me up. I ran home and my uncle called me a sissy for crying. He told me to act tough and fight. So I started acting tough too.

Jim: I'm sorry that happened to you. You must have felt scared and hurt. Does acting tough get you what you wanted? Did the kids want to play with you?

Harry: Well, some of them. Some of the time at first. Then they started running away from me. They said I was a bully. Then I really hauled off and hit a boy. Then I really got in trouble.

Jim: You must have felt really bad then. Well, remember, we do not call names here. We are people friendly in our group. We talk about our own Bully Behavior, but we do not call other people bullies. Here we ask kids to take responsibility for their own Bully Behavior. I think you need someone to be nice to you and show you what do when someone tries to hurt you. You are not a bad kid. You are a neat kid who has it all mixed up. People who hurt others can be nice but the hurt made them go sour. I bet if you learned some new ways of behaving when you are upset, those Bully Behaviors would go away. If you learn to take care of yourself in positive ways, you wouldn't need them anymore. What do you think? We could get everyone to help you learn some new ways of thinking and acting.

What ending would you make for this story?

Helper Words:

I let my mean attack pass.
I can feel good about stopping my Bully Behavior.
People and all living things are to be treated with respect.
I stand for peace. I make choices that build peace.
I stop my Bully Behavior. I stand up to others' Bully Behavior.
I make my neighborhood safe.

Two excellent books about promoting friendships and understanding are:

• The Big Book for Peace, Marilyn Sachs, Ed. Dutton Children's Books, $17.50. Stories, poems, cartoon and a song are included with part of the royalties going to peace organizations.
• It's Our World Too by Philip Hoose, Joy Street Books/Little Brown, $19.95 (for older children) which features true stories of children who are making a difference plus ideas for kid activism on changing the world.

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