Bully Behavior Lesson Plans

HELPING CHILDREN STOP EGG ONS
AND
BULLY BEHAVIOR LESSON PLANS

Children need skills of expressing their negative feelings in a safe ways. Young people are hungry for tools to deal with conflict. Children who are adept at positive social interactions feel more in control of their lives. Social skill training increases self esteem and the ability to solve problems. Social skills are easy to present in groups. They are fun to teach. Children can learn to reconnect with positive values of treating each other with respect and taking responsibility for their own behavior. Stopping Egg Ons and bully behavior is one of the most important skills today's children can learn.
These are new times. New times require new ways of reaching and supporting children. Fun, short, snappy interventions are needed to stress respecting each other and living peacefully. Remember--Children are as strong, independent and caring as their social skills!
My company, Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics, publishes lesson plans on anger management. We have an award winning web site on helping children with anger as well as a section of ideas on stopping bully behavior.
Included are several lesson plans written for parents, teachers and therapists to help them teach children respect for others. They are taken from the 50 plus lesson plans in our I Stop My Bully Behavior kit. These lesson plans may be reproduced for noncommercial use only.

FINDING MY HELPER PART
Objectives: To stop aggressive behavior.
To develop alternatives to violence.
Materials: Stuffed animals brought from home and a Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part (a Bulldog or mean looking stuffed animal)
Activity: Finding Your Inside Helper Part--the Part That Stops You From Hurting Others: Have the children bring a stuffed animal from home that represents the part of them that stops the hurtful words and actions from coming out. Ask each child to describe why he chose that particular stuffed animal.
Make a class display of these Inside Helper Parts with each child listing all the ‘Helper Words' that he uses. Emphasize the importance of positive self talk in helping make good choices. Include the Bill of Rights that the children developed in the display.
Dialogue: Each of us has an internal stop sign that stops us from doing things that harm others. We all have an inner stop sign or stop light! What do you do to keep from saying and doing mean things? Your challenge is to find the part of you that stops the action when you are angry and want to strike out. What stops you from hurting others? Describe it and give it a name. Where does it live in your body? What types of words does it say to you? What does it say when you are upset?
Some children say their part that stops them from doing mean things is in their brain, their hearts or their stomach. Older children have the concept of conscience. Have the children develop a dialog between their Helper Part and the Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part. Have the children draw pictures of this people-friendly part and write a story about how it works. Tie in the Helper Word phrases that give friendly, helpful reminders and include them in the picture.
Activity: Letting the Mean Attack Pass Discuss mean attacks which are bad feelings welling up inside a person and coming out on someone else. Mean attacks happen when we are grumpy or tired or feel bad inside. Have the children color the poster, I Stop Doing Things That Hurt Others.
Activity: Have the children write down how they stopped their Mad Attack. Help the children see that using their words to speak out for peace is a powerful tool. Remind them that there is nothing so bad as to be hurting inside and not be able to talk about it. Ask them how they could use their internal stop sign and their words to build peace.
Helper Words for Children:

Working to build peace in the world makes me feel powerful.

My Helper Part reminds me to use my Helper Words.

I let my mean attack pass.

I use my words not my fists to help build peace in my world.

I feel good about being responsible for all of my behavior.

I stop doing those things that take away peace.

I get my Helper Part to talk to my Ruff Tuff Part.

Tips for Teachers: Do you have a Helper Part? Discuss your experiences with your Helper Part and how it keeps you making good choices. Give examples of your life of how you stopped yourself from doing or saying something that might have hurt someone when you were a child. Ask the children to discuss their Helper Part with their parents.

THE BETTER WAY WORLD
Objectives: To provide alternatives to violence.
To develop hope for positive change.
Materials: Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part
Activity: Finding the Better Way: Talk with the children about the violence that happens in the world. Ask them to share stories from their life or the media that they have found upsetting. Ask them why they think people do things that hurt others. Tie the idea of desperation and lack of understanding of how to act in positive ways to the children's examples of violent behavior. Show them that people who commit violence forget that they have other choices. They get stuck in thoughts that tell them only one thing--use aggression to hurt others. Remind the children that there are always other choices as how to act rather than violence. There is a better way.
Dialogue: The Better Way-- a World Where Everybody Wins!
There is a better way. There is a better way to treat people and be treated. There is a better way to act. There is a better way to live. We can choose to live the better way where everyone is safe and no one gets hurt. We don't have to wait for parents and other grownups to change to learn this new way.
We can treat people with respect and kindness. We can feel proud inside when we stop hurting others. We can speak feelings and use problem solving skills to deal with conflict. We can stop our own hurtful words and actions. We can start living the better way now. Maybe then this better way will generalize and others will learn it too. The better way builds peace. When we use positive social skills nobody loses and everybody wins!
Activity: Sharing the Better Way Ideas With Others: Ask the children what would happen to the Bully Behavior Part in a Better Way World. Ask the children to draw a picture of what a Better Way World would look like on the drawing page. Ask them what they have learned that they could teach someone else. Ask them to invite children from other classes, family members and other school personnel to the classroom.
Write letters to invite the media, local government officials and congress people to the classroom and to tell them of the positive learnings that are taking place at school. Send a letter to the local newspaper to share the news about stopping Bully Behavior and spreading peace in the world!
Helper Words for Children:

I can make a difference in my world.
Every day I make good choices for peace.
I use my Helper Words to keep me from making the wrong choice.
I feel good about using my Helper Words.
I want a world where everybody is safe and everybody wins.

Tips for Teachers: Virginia Satir, said there were at least a hundred ways to deal with any problem! Resorting to violence is only one of many ways to deal with conflict. So often we get stuck in one or two choices, forgetting that other options are available. Brainstorming of solutions (no matter how silly or impractical) without criticism show children that there are many ways to solve a problem.

EGG ONS ARE TURN OFFS
Objectives: To learn about behaviors that cause other people to reject you.
To decrease inappropriate teasing and decrease sibling rivalry.
Materials: Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part
Activity: Egg Ons Turn Off Friends: Ask the children how they can invite someone to bully them. Egg Ons are teasing and bothering behaviors that turn people off to liking you. Egg Ons or Turn Offs are behaviors that irritate the other person so that they do not want to play with you. Teasing words may cause others to hurt you. They invite Bully Behavior. Egg Ons say to the other child ‘I'll tease you until you get rough' or ‘I'll be mean to you by teasing and you can be mean to me by hurting me or refusing to play with me.' Egg Ons are a hidden contract between two people as to what types of teasing, bothering and hurting is allowed.
Some Egg Ons are done to gain attention. Let the children know that bugging an older person to get attention may result in them being the recipient of aggressive behavior. Ask them to tell of a time when their behavior irritated someone else so much that they were hurt by the other person. Remind them that if they keep on doing what they always have done, they will keep on getting what they always have gotten.
Role play several situations where one child does Egg Ons with another child while he holds Ruff Tuff. Have the second child practice using his firm, loud voice to state his limits. Then practice some things that the first child could do (he could ask the other child to play and if the answer is no, he could leave and do something that makes him happy).
Examples of Egg Ons:

Jim says, ‘Oh yeah?' after Joe threatens to beat him up.
You are tired and hungry. You get angry and call your sister stupid.
Mary teases her big brother to get him to play. Her brother gets frustrated and hits Mary.
Jeff likes Kathy and wants her to notice him. He bumps into her, grabs her pencil and teases her.

Emphasize that we are always responsible for making ourselves feel happy. Getting others upset and people mad at you is not a way to feel good about yourself. Teach the children to turn themselves on by finding something neat to do instead of turning others off.
Cues for Teachers:

Tell yourself, "I'll stop bothering him. Maybe then we can be friends."

Put your anger in a safe place where it won't hurt anyone.

What do you need to remember about teasing behavior?

Use your firm, strong words and ask _____ to stop bothering you.

Helper Words for Children:

I feel good about stopping doing things that hurt others.

I give up Egg Ons.

I don't have to get upset when he tries to get me angry.

I am my own person.

I stop myself from having a teasing attack.

STOPPING SARCASTIC PUT DOWNS
Objective: To decrease sarcasm and anger in response to threat.
Materials: Ruff Tuff Bully Part
Activity: Taking My Power By Stopping My Sarcastic Egg Ons: Another type of Egg On is done to return negative energy to people who are aggressive.
Sarcasm is a habit of saying one thing when you mean another. It is only a habit and habits can be broken. Sarcastic words are loaded with anger and said with a sneer. The tone of voice does not match the message of what is being said. Sarcasm is a way of lying to yourself and others because you do not really mean what you say. Sarcastic remarks irritate and challenge people who are already angry. Responding to Bully Behavior with angry remarks is an invitation to the other person to go after you and hurt you more. Sarcastic Egg On remarks will keep the other person going until you are hurt. Have Ruff Tuff demonstrate sarcastic Egg Ons. Ask the children to list some of the negative things they say to keep others upset.
Sarcastic Egg Ons That Cause Others To Keep Trying To Hurt Me

Shut up.

You just try. I dare you.

Oh yeah, show me.

Who do you think you are?

You and who else?

Like right!

Try and make me.

You're dead meat.

Using cuss words.

Name calling.

Egg On Behaviors include rolling your eyes, sighing, sneering and standing with your fists clenched or your hands on your hips and acting tough. After each child reports on the sarcastic remark that he has used, ask him to describe what the reaction from the other person was. Ask him whether what he said helped cool down the situation or heat it up.
Help the children to see that responding to anger with anger only gives their power to the other person who wants to get them to lose their cool. Teach them the phrase ‘You say (sarcastic things), you pay. You say, you pay.' Give the I Stop Egging Others on With My Remarks drawing page to each child. Have the children draw a picture of themselves dealing with threat in a positive way with someone who is teasing them.
Activity: What Is The Contract Between You and Your Brother or Sister? Ask the children what the secret contract is between them and their brother or sister. Most families have secret contracts between siblings. It might be ‘I'll bug you until you hit me and then I'll tell Mom and get you in trouble.' In other families the contract might be ‘I'll leave you alone when you need time for yourself and we will play later.' Ask them which contract would result in a happier time at home.
Ask the two children to role play and renegotiate the secret contract of teasing and getting in trouble. A more open contract is ‘Ask for attention when you want it but know you won't always get it. I agree to leave you alone if you don't want to play and you agree to play with me later.' Ask the child who turns others off by his teasing behavior to list the specific irritating things he will stop doing. An example might be, ‘I'll stop getting in your way when you are watching television if you will spend some time playing with me.' Have the children shake hands and smile at each other.
Helper Words for Children:

I can make contracts with others to help us both.

I watch my words when someone tries to pick on me.

I feel good when I change my mean ways of treating someone to nicer ways.

HOT THOUGHTS AND COLD THOUGHTS
Objectives: To learn and identify self angering thoughts. To learn ways to decrease anger.
Activity: Learning About Hot Thoughts: Hot Thoughts are the things that we say both internally and out loud to keep us angry. They turn up the heat inside. Hot Thoughts encourage us to continue to be upset so that we might be tempted to do Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior. Have the children identify their Hot Thoughts. (She's mean. I hate him. He's a jerk! He did that on purpose. She doesn't care about me.) All sarcastic remarks are Hot Thoughts. Help them see that they can spend their energy on negative thoughts or in trying to solve the problem.
Ask the children what makes bully behavior. Discuss the different types of Hot Thoughts. Ask the children to give examples of each. Have the children draw a picture about someone using Hot Thoughts. Discuss these beliefs that fuel anger:
l. Name Calling: Calling other people names does not solve the problem. Name calling only keeps people angry at each other. Instead of calling names, try to figure out what to do.
2. Seeing Things Only From Your Point of View: Insisting that people see things the way that you do is another way of keeping oneself upset. Insisting on ‘My way is the only way,' is a control issue. Becoming angry because other people do things differently than you do is a waste of energy. Judgments about others and worrying about what they do uses up time that could be spent being happy.
3. Not Taking Responsibility for Your Part of the Situation: Blaming others or externalizing the blame to others is a defense against feeling bad inside. People who cannot take responsibility for their own behavior turn the energy outward to someone else.
4. Mountains Out of Molehills: Making small things a catastrophe is another way of turning up the heat inside. Blowing up over small things can be habit that has been learned as a way to deal with stress. Making mountains out of molehills can also be a way of trying to get attention.
5. Assuming Others Are Out To Get You: Making assumptions about other people's negative motivations is another way of keeping oneself angry. Children sometimes believe their assumptions to be true and act in accordance. Teach them the make the distinction between fact and assuming things to be true. Ask them to always check out assumptions. When in doubt about someone's motivations, do a Reality Check. A Reality Check is when you ask someone else for their opinion on how you view a bad situation. Remember, when it doubt, check it out!
Helper Words for Children:

Mads come, mads go. I can let my anger go!

I don't have to make mountains out of molehills.

When in doubt, I check it out!

WHAT MAKES BULLY BEHAVIOR?
HOT THOUGHTS THAT TURN UP THE HEAT INSIDE

Name calling or giving the person a negative label. ‘You jerk.' ‘You are crazy.'

Making judgments and ‘should' statements that lead to a sense of injustice. ‘He should not act that way. If he does, I have the right to get angry.'

Blaming others instead of looking at one's own part in what went wrong.

Assuming that the other person deliberately wanted to harm you. ‘She did that on purpose.'

Making mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out of proportion.

Making rigid judgments that certain people ‘deserve' to be punished.

Believing that you have the right to hurt others because you are better than they are.

Getting upset and wanting to hurt others who are different or weak.

Feeling tough and superior to others to cover up the bad feelings that are inside.

COOL THOUGHTS CHILL ME OUT
Objective: To learn to release angry feelings through self talk.
Materials: Wastebasket and the poster, I Turn My Hot Thoughts Into Cool Thoughts.
Activity: Learning About Cold Thoughts and Cool Tools: Ask the children what they say to themselves to let angry feelings go. Cold Thoughts are words and phrases that help take us away from anger. They turn down the heat that is felt inside. Have the children list things that they say to themselves to let anger go. (That's not worth getting upset about. I can let this one go. I can chill out. Oh, well . . . ) Our Helper Parts can prompt the Cold Thoughts.
Cool Tools are things that we do that help us work off the anger. Exercise, running, beating the pillows and talking to a friend about bad feelings are examples of Cool Tools. Ask the children what they do when they are angry. Discuss how there is a time and place for anger but we need to learn how to let the bad feelings. Challenge the children to learn to use Cold Thoughts and Cool Tools to let go of anger.
Activity: Cooling Off Places For My Hot Thoughts: Encourage divergent thinking by asking the children to come up with the most outlandish place they can think of to put their Hot Thoughts to cool them down. (Letting them slide down the bath tub drain after a bath. Sending them to the North Pole and having Santa's elves turn them into toys, etc.) Acting silly with the children will reinforce this idea!
Demonstrate to the children how you can let your bad feelings go by writing them on a piece of paper and tossing them into the trash. Have the children draw and write about their mad feelings using the ‘I feel ____ when you _____' message and then wad up the page. Have the children throw the pieces of paper listing their anger feelings into the trash while saying ‘I can let my anger go. I am using a Cool Tool to throw away my anger.' Make a poster, I Turn My Hot Thoughts Into Cool Thoughts.
Then send the trash in the wastepaper basket to the dumpster or the outside trash can.
Cues for Teachers:

Decide if you are being people-friendly or people-hurtful right now.

Check your thinking--hot or cold?

Think about a Cool Tool you could use.

How are your thoughts upsetting you?

How can you take care of yourself?

How does wanting to get even help you? It's not a matter of what he deserves. How would your getting even make you a better person?

Helper Words for Children:

I chill myself down. Cool talk helps me take care of myself.

I use Cool Tools when I am upset. I am my own person.

I don't have to react to his teasing. I stop my sarcastic talk and Hot Thoughts.

Mads come and mads go. I can let my anger go!

Tips for Teachers: Studies of male and female adolescents in juvenile facilities show that they believe that their use of aggression was an appropriate response. Violent responses helped the young people avoid feelings of shame and a negative self image and actually increased positive feelings about the self. Waylay this belief with the children in your group by associating feeling proud with helping others. Strengthen the association between feeling good inside and treating others fairly by keeping the children focused on their internal feelings of feelings good about themselves when helping others.

TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE A RIGHT
Objective: To learn how thoughts of revenge keep you angry.
Materials: Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part
Activity: Learning About Pay Backs. Pay Backs are those thoughts of revenge about how we would like to hurt someone. Thinking about getting even keeps us angry. Thinking about how to hurt someone else keeps us caught in anger. Fantasy is used to regain feelings of power, but it is a false feeling of power. The mistaken belief here is feeling powerful in our thinking about revenge instead of taking the real power and doing something differently in life.
Tell the children that angry thoughts do not hurt others but they do hurt you. Pay back thoughts and actions only fuel the fire of anger. Secret pay backs do not hurt the other person; they only keep you upset. Pay back actions generally get you in trouble and make the situation worse.
Ask the children to give examples of how Ruff Tuff might be caught up in pay back words.

It's not fair. I'll make her sorry.

How dare he do that to me? He did that on purpose to hurt me

He can't get away with that. I'll get back at him.

I'll show them.

He deserves to be punished. I'd like to punch him out.

Discuss why people need to hold on to the belief that they can feel good by making someone else feel bad. Discuss how the need to get even takes away the time that could spend playing and having fun. Ask the children how two wrongs could make a right. Encourage them to volunteer any revenge thoughts they would be comfortable in letting go.
Dialogue: Explaining Pay Backs:
‘People who have revenge thoughts have been hurt by someone. They feel the need to hurt others back. They are afraid so they act tough. They are afraid to be open and show their hurt feelings inside. Getting-even thoughts help them hide their pain from themselves. People who have revenge thoughts can learn to talk to get the bad feelings out so they can feel better inside.'
Dialogue to break into Revenge Thoughts:
‘What will getting even do for you? How does that help you? How does that get you love? How does thinking about hurting someone make you feel better about yourself? What is another way for you feel good about yourself instead of getting even? Let's spend time on you not on someone else. Think about taking care of yourself, not how you want to hurt someone else. You are worth it!'
‘Revenge thoughts are a waste of your time. You don't have to pay other people back. Pay backs won't do it. People who hurt you will get their pay backs from the things that they bring on themselves. People get what they deserve. Revenge thoughts only keep you upset inside. All you need to do is take care of yourself. Success is the best pay back. The best revenge is a successful life.'
Helper Words for Children:

I let go of revenge thoughts.

I am a big enough person that I don't have to get even.

I'm not going to waste my time thinking about hurting others.

I give up my Ruff Tuff pay back thoughts and words.

RESOURCES:
Our popular children's book, THE MAD FAMILY GETS THEIR MADS OUT--FIFTY POSITIVE THINGS YOUR FAMILY CAN SAY AND DO TO EXPRESS ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY, has gone to a third printing. Families love this positive book on conflict management in the home. This book costs $12:50 ppd.
Our ‘I Stop My Bully Behavior Kit' addresses these potential problems and many others in young people ages 7-13. The Ruff Tuff Bully Part helps the children identify with the part of them that can be hurtful to others. Kids love Ruff Tuff and own up to the things they do that they are not proud of but can't stop on their own.
Children need to learn the basic skills of treating each other with respect. The humor in the activities and games helps children learn to be respectful to each others. This kit offers a complete curriculum with 60 activities, based on the cognitive behavioral research, to increase positive behavior in your group.
Included in the I Stop My Bully Behavior Kit are a Ruff Tuff Bully Part, World's Biggest Eraser (for correcting big mistakes), 24 Finger Puppets, Six 2" Vinyl Scowling Faces Balls, Two 3" Foam Balls, Two Plastic Shields, Mini Basketball Hoop, Posters and Charts and a canvas bag with the Talk, Trust and Feel logo.
32 Lesson Plans Including: Learning About Bully Behavior ....developing a Group Bill of Rights and standing up for one's self. I Stop My Bully Behavior....owning and stopping behaviors that hurt others. The No-Put-Down Club....decreasing name calling, treating others with respect. Letting Go of Bad Feelings....releasing hurt, anger and shame. Hot and Cold Thoughts and Words....learning how we self anger ourselves. And much more! Order today to help children avoid gang and drug related behaviors.

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