HELPING
CHILDREN STOP EGG ONS
AND
BULLY BEHAVIOR LESSON PLANS
Children need skills of expressing their negative feelings
in a safe ways. Young people are hungry for tools to deal
with conflict. Children who are adept at positive social interactions
feel more in control of their lives. Social skill training
increases self esteem and the ability to solve problems. Social
skills are easy to present in groups. They are fun to teach.
Children can learn to reconnect with positive values of treating
each other with respect and taking responsibility for their
own behavior. Stopping Egg Ons and bully behavior is one of
the most important skills today's children can learn.
These are new times. New times require new ways of reaching
and supporting children. Fun, short, snappy interventions
are needed to stress respecting each other and living peacefully.
Remember--Children are as strong, independent and caring as
their social skills!
My company, Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics, publishes
lesson plans on anger management. We have an award winning
web site on helping children with anger as well as a section
of ideas on stopping bully behavior.
Included are several lesson plans written for parents, teachers
and therapists to help them teach children respect for others.
They are taken from the 50 plus lesson plans in our I Stop
My Bully Behavior kit. These lesson plans may be reproduced
for noncommercial use only.
FINDING MY HELPER
PART
Objectives: To stop
aggressive behavior.
To
develop alternatives to violence.
Materials: Stuffed
animals brought from home and a Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior Part
(a Bulldog or mean looking stuffed animal)
Activity: Finding Your
Inside Helper Part--the Part That Stops You From Hurting Others:
Have the children bring a stuffed animal from home that represents
the part of them that stops the hurtful words and actions
from coming out. Ask each child to describe why he chose that
particular stuffed animal.
Make a class display of these Inside Helper Parts with each
child listing all the ‘Helper Words' that he uses. Emphasize
the importance of positive self talk in helping make good
choices. Include the Bill of Rights that the children developed
in the display.
Dialogue: Each of us
has an internal stop sign that stops us from doing things
that harm others. We all have an inner stop sign or stop light!
What do you do to keep from saying and doing mean things?
Your challenge is to find the part of you that stops the action
when you are angry and want to strike out. What stops you
from hurting others? Describe it and give it a name. Where
does it live in your body? What types of words does it say
to you? What does it say when you are upset?
Some children say their part that stops them from doing
mean things is in their brain, their hearts or their stomach.
Older children have the concept of conscience. Have the children
develop a dialog between their Helper Part and the Ruff Tuff
Bully Behavior Part. Have the children draw pictures of this
people-friendly part and write a story about how it works.
Tie in the Helper Word phrases that give friendly, helpful
reminders and include them in the picture.
Activity: Letting the
Mean Attack Pass Discuss mean attacks which are bad feelings
welling up inside a person and coming out on someone else.
Mean attacks happen when we are grumpy or tired or feel bad
inside. Have the children color the poster, I Stop Doing Things
That Hurt Others.
Activity:
Have the children write down how they stopped their Mad Attack.
Help the children see that using their words to speak out
for peace is a powerful tool. Remind them that there is nothing
so bad as to be hurting inside and not be able to talk about
it. Ask them how they could use their internal stop sign and
their words to build peace.
Helper Words for Children:
- Working to build peace in the world makes me feel powerful.
- My Helper Part reminds me to use my Helper Words.
- I let my mean attack pass.
- I use my words not my fists to help build peace in my
world.
- I feel good about being responsible for all of my behavior.
- I stop doing those things that take away peace.
- I get my Helper Part to talk to my Ruff Tuff Part.
Tips for Teachers: Do
you have a Helper Part? Discuss your experiences with your
Helper Part and how it keeps you making good choices. Give
examples of your life of how you stopped yourself from doing
or saying something that might have hurt someone when you
were a child. Ask the children to discuss their Helper Part
with their parents.
THE
BETTER WAY WORLD
Objectives: To provide
alternatives to violence.
To develop hope for positive change.
Materials: Ruff Tuff
Bully Behavior Part
Activity: Finding the
Better Way: Talk with the children about the violence that
happens in the world. Ask them to share stories from their
life or the media that they have found upsetting. Ask them
why they think people do things that hurt others. Tie the
idea of desperation and lack of understanding of how to act
in positive ways to the children's examples of violent behavior.
Show them that people who commit violence forget that they
have other choices. They get stuck in thoughts that tell them
only one thing--use aggression to hurt others. Remind the
children that there are always other choices as how to act
rather than violence. There is a better way.
Dialogue: The Better
Way-- a World Where Everybody Wins!
There is a better way. There is a better way to treat people
and be treated. There is a better way to act. There is a better
way to live. We can choose to live the better way where everyone
is safe and no one gets hurt. We don't have to wait for parents
and other grownups to change to learn this new way.
We can treat people with respect and kindness. We can feel
proud inside when we stop hurting others. We can speak feelings
and use problem solving skills to deal with conflict. We can
stop our own hurtful words and actions. We can start living
the better way now. Maybe then this better way will generalize
and others will learn it too. The better way builds peace.
When we use positive social skills nobody loses and everybody
wins!
Activity: Sharing the
Better Way Ideas With Others: Ask the children what would
happen to the Bully Behavior Part in a Better Way World. Ask
the children to draw a picture of what a Better Way World
would look like on the drawing page. Ask them what they have
learned that they could teach someone else. Ask them to invite
children from other classes, family members and other school
personnel to the classroom.
Write letters to invite the media, local government officials
and congress people to the classroom and to tell them of the
positive learnings that are taking place at school. Send a
letter to the local newspaper to share the news about stopping
Bully Behavior and spreading peace in the world!
Helper Words for Children:
Emphasize that we are always responsible for making ourselves
feel happy. Getting others upset and people mad at you is
not a way to feel good about yourself. Teach the children
to turn themselves on by finding something neat to do instead
of turning others off.
Cues for Teachers:
- Tell yourself, "I'll stop bothering him. Maybe then
we can be friends."
- Put your anger in a safe place where it won't hurt anyone.
- What do you need to remember about teasing behavior?
- Use your firm, strong words and ask _____ to stop bothering
you.
Helper Words for Children:
- I feel good about stopping doing things that hurt others.
- I give up Egg Ons.
- I don't have to get upset when he tries to get me angry.
- I am my own person.
- I stop myself from having a teasing attack.
STOPPING SARCASTIC PUT
DOWNS
Objective: To decrease
sarcasm and anger in response to threat.
Materials: Ruff Tuff
Bully Part
Activity: Taking My
Power By Stopping My Sarcastic Egg Ons: Another type of Egg
On is done to return negative energy to people who are aggressive.
Sarcasm is a habit of saying one thing when you mean another.
It is only a habit and habits can be broken. Sarcastic words
are loaded with anger and said with a sneer. The tone of voice
does not match the message of what is being said. Sarcasm
is a way of lying to yourself and others because you do not
really mean what you say. Sarcastic remarks irritate and challenge
people who are already angry. Responding to Bully Behavior
with angry remarks is an invitation to the other person to
go after you and hurt you more. Sarcastic Egg On remarks will
keep the other person going until you are hurt. Have Ruff
Tuff demonstrate sarcastic Egg Ons. Ask the children to list
some of the negative things they say to keep others upset.
Sarcastic Egg Ons That Cause Others
To Keep Trying To Hurt Me
- Shut up.
- You just try. I dare you.
- Oh yeah, show me.
- Who do you think you are?
- You and who else?
- Like right!
- Try and make me.
- You're dead meat.
- Using cuss words.
- Name calling.
Egg On Behaviors include rolling your eyes, sighing, sneering
and standing with your fists clenched or your hands on your
hips and acting tough. After each child reports on the sarcastic
remark that he has used, ask him to describe what the reaction
from the other person was. Ask him whether what he said helped
cool down the situation or heat it up.
Help the children to see that responding to anger with anger
only gives their power to the other person who wants to get
them to lose their cool. Teach them the phrase ‘You say (sarcastic
things), you pay. You say, you pay.' Give the I Stop Egging
Others on With My Remarks drawing page to each child. Have
the children draw a picture of themselves dealing with threat
in a positive way with someone who is teasing them.
Activity: What Is The
Contract Between You and Your Brother or Sister? Ask the children
what the secret contract is between them and their brother
or sister. Most families have secret contracts between siblings.
It might be ‘I'll bug you until you hit me and then I'll tell
Mom and get you in trouble.' In other families the contract
might be ‘I'll leave you alone when you need time for yourself
and we will play later.' Ask them which contract would result
in a happier time at home.
Ask the two children to role play and renegotiate the secret
contract of teasing and getting in trouble. A more open contract
is ‘Ask for attention when you want it but know you won't
always get it. I agree to leave you alone if you don't want
to play and you agree to play with me later.' Ask the child
who turns others off by his teasing behavior to list the specific
irritating things he will stop doing. An example might be,
‘I'll stop getting in your way when you are watching television
if you will spend some time playing with me.' Have the children
shake hands and smile at each other.
Helper Words for Children:
- I can make contracts with others to help us both.
- I watch my words when someone tries to pick on me.
- I feel good when I change my mean ways of treating someone
to nicer ways.
HOT THOUGHTS AND COLD
THOUGHTS
Objectives: To learn
and identify self angering thoughts. To learn ways to decrease
anger.
Activity: Learning About
Hot Thoughts: Hot Thoughts are the things that we say both
internally and out loud to keep us angry. They turn up the
heat inside. Hot Thoughts encourage us to continue to be upset
so that we might be tempted to do Ruff Tuff Bully Behavior.
Have the children identify their Hot Thoughts. (She's mean.
I hate him. He's a jerk! He did that on purpose. She doesn't
care about me.) All sarcastic remarks are Hot Thoughts. Help
them see that they can spend their energy on negative thoughts
or in trying to solve the problem.
Ask the children what makes bully behavior. Discuss the
different types of Hot Thoughts. Ask the children to give
examples of each. Have the children draw a picture about someone
using Hot Thoughts. Discuss these beliefs that fuel anger:
l. Name Calling: Calling other people names does not solve
the problem. Name calling only keeps people angry at each
other. Instead of calling names, try to figure out what to
do.
2. Seeing Things Only From Your Point of View: Insisting
that people see things the way that you do is another way
of keeping oneself upset. Insisting on ‘My way is the only
way,' is a control issue. Becoming angry because other people
do things differently than you do is a waste of energy. Judgments
about others and worrying about what they do uses up time
that could be spent being happy.
3. Not Taking Responsibility for Your Part of the Situation:
Blaming others or externalizing the blame to others is a defense
against feeling bad inside. People who cannot take responsibility
for their own behavior turn the energy outward to someone
else.
4. Mountains Out of Molehills: Making small things a catastrophe
is another way of turning up the heat inside. Blowing up over
small things can be habit that has been learned as a way to
deal with stress. Making mountains out of molehills can also
be a way of trying to get attention.
5. Assuming Others Are Out To Get You: Making assumptions
about other people's negative motivations is another way of
keeping oneself angry. Children sometimes believe their assumptions
to be true and act in accordance. Teach them the make the
distinction between fact and assuming things to be true. Ask
them to always check out assumptions. When in doubt about
someone's motivations, do a Reality Check. A Reality Check
is when you ask someone else for their opinion on how you
view a bad situation. Remember, when it doubt, check it out!
Helper Words for Children:
- Mads come, mads go. I can let my anger go!
- I don't have to make mountains out of molehills.
- When in doubt, I check it out!
WHAT MAKES BULLY
BEHAVIOR?
HOT THOUGHTS THAT TURN UP THE HEAT
INSIDE
- Name calling or giving the person a negative label. ‘You
jerk.' ‘You are crazy.'
- Making judgments and ‘should' statements that lead to
a sense of injustice. ‘He should not act that way. If he
does, I have the right to get angry.'
- Blaming others instead of looking at one's own part in
what went wrong.
- Assuming that the other person deliberately wanted to
harm you. ‘She did that on purpose.'
- Making mountains out of mole hills. Blowing things out
of proportion.
- Making rigid judgments that certain people ‘deserve'
to be punished.
- Believing that you have the right to hurt others because
you are better than they are.
- Getting upset and wanting to hurt others who are different
or weak.
- Feeling tough and superior to others to cover up the
bad feelings that are inside.
COOL THOUGHTS CHILL ME
OUT
Objective: To learn
to release angry feelings through self talk.
Materials: Wastebasket
and the poster, I Turn My Hot Thoughts Into Cool Thoughts.
Activity: Learning About
Cold Thoughts and Cool Tools: Ask the children what they say
to themselves to let angry feelings go. Cold Thoughts are
words and phrases that help take us away from anger. They
turn down the heat that is felt inside. Have the children
list things that they say to themselves to let anger go. (That's
not worth getting upset about. I can let this one go. I can
chill out. Oh, well . . . ) Our Helper Parts can prompt the
Cold Thoughts.
Cool Tools are things that we do that help us work off the
anger. Exercise, running, beating the pillows and talking
to a friend about bad feelings are examples of Cool Tools.
Ask the children what they do when they are angry. Discuss
how there is a time and place for anger but we need to learn
how to let the bad feelings. Challenge the children to learn
to use Cold Thoughts and Cool Tools to let go of anger.
Activity: Cooling Off
Places For My Hot Thoughts: Encourage divergent thinking by
asking the children to come up with the most outlandish place
they can think of to put their Hot Thoughts to cool them down.
(Letting them slide down the bath tub drain after a bath.
Sending them to the North Pole and having Santa's elves turn
them into toys, etc.) Acting silly with the children will
reinforce this idea!
Demonstrate to the children how you can let your bad feelings
go by writing them on a piece of paper and tossing them into
the trash. Have the children draw and write about their mad
feelings using the ‘I feel ____ when you _____' message and
then wad up the page. Have the children throw the pieces of
paper listing their anger feelings into the trash while saying
‘I can let my anger go. I am using a Cool Tool to throw away
my anger.' Make a poster, I Turn My Hot Thoughts Into Cool
Thoughts.
Then send the trash in the wastepaper basket to the dumpster
or the outside trash can.
Cues for Teachers:
- Decide if you are being people-friendly or people-hurtful
right now.
- Check your thinking--hot or cold?
- Think about a Cool Tool you could use.
- How are your thoughts upsetting you?
- How can you take care of yourself?
- How does wanting to get even help you? It's not a matter
of what he deserves. How would your getting even make you
a better person?
Helper Words for Children:
- I chill myself down. Cool talk helps me take care of
myself.
- I use Cool Tools when I am upset. I am my own person.
- I don't have to react to his teasing. I stop my sarcastic
talk and Hot Thoughts.
- Mads come and mads go. I can let my anger go!
Tips for Teachers: Studies
of male and female adolescents in juvenile facilities show
that they believe that their use of aggression was an appropriate
response. Violent responses helped the young people avoid
feelings of shame and a negative self image and actually increased
positive feelings about the self. Waylay this belief with
the children in your group by associating feeling proud with
helping others. Strengthen the association between feeling
good inside and treating others fairly by keeping the children
focused on their internal feelings of feelings good about
themselves when helping others.
TWO WRONGS DO NOT MAKE
A RIGHT
Objective: To learn
how thoughts of revenge keep you angry.
Materials: Ruff
Tuff Bully Behavior Part
Activity: Learning About
Pay Backs. Pay Backs are those thoughts of revenge about how
we would like to hurt someone. Thinking about getting even
keeps us angry. Thinking about how to hurt someone else keeps
us caught in anger. Fantasy is used to regain feelings of
power, but it is a false feeling of power. The mistaken belief
here is feeling powerful in our thinking about revenge instead
of taking the real power and doing something differently in
life.
Tell the children that angry thoughts do not hurt others
but they do hurt you. Pay back thoughts and actions only fuel
the fire of anger. Secret pay backs do not hurt the other
person; they only keep you upset. Pay back actions generally
get you in trouble and make the situation worse.
Ask the children to give examples of how Ruff Tuff might
be caught up in pay back words.
- It's not fair. I'll make her sorry.
- How dare he do that to me? He did that on purpose to hurt
me
- He can't get away with that. I'll get back at him.
- I'll show them.
- He deserves to be punished. I'd like to punch him out.
Discuss why people need to hold on to the belief that they
can feel good by making someone else feel bad. Discuss how
the need to get even takes away the time that could spend
playing and having fun. Ask the children how two wrongs could
make a right. Encourage them to volunteer any revenge thoughts
they would be comfortable in letting go.
Dialogue: Explaining Pay Backs:
‘People who have revenge thoughts have been hurt by someone.
They feel the need to hurt others back. They are afraid so
they act tough. They are afraid to be open and show their
hurt feelings inside. Getting-even thoughts help them hide
their pain from themselves. People who have revenge thoughts
can learn to talk to get the bad feelings out so they can
feel better inside.'
Dialogue to break into Revenge
Thoughts:
‘What will getting even do for you? How does that help you?
How does that get you love? How does thinking about hurting
someone make you feel better about yourself? What is another
way for you feel good about yourself instead of getting even?
Let's spend time on you not on someone else. Think about taking
care of yourself, not how you want to hurt someone else. You
are worth it!'
‘Revenge thoughts are a waste of your time. You don't have
to pay other people back. Pay backs won't do it. People who
hurt you will get their pay backs from the things that they
bring on themselves. People get what they deserve. Revenge
thoughts only keep you upset inside. All you need to do is
take care of yourself. Success is the best pay back. The best
revenge is a successful life.'
Helper Words for Children:
- I let go of revenge thoughts.
- I am a big enough person that I don't have to get even.
- I'm not going to waste my time thinking about hurting
others.
- I give up my Ruff Tuff pay back thoughts and words.
RESOURCES:
Our popular children's book, THE
MAD FAMILY GETS THEIR MADS OUT--FIFTY POSITIVE THINGS YOUR
FAMILY CAN SAY AND DO TO EXPRESS ANGER CONSTRUCTIVELY,
has gone to a third printing. Families love this positive
book on conflict management in the home. This book costs $12:50
ppd.
Our ‘I Stop My Bully Behavior Kit'
addresses these potential problems and many others in young
people ages 7-13. The Ruff Tuff Bully Part helps the children
identify with the part of them that can be hurtful to others.
Kids love Ruff Tuff and own up to the things they do that
they are not proud of but can't stop on their own.
Children need to learn the basic skills of treating each
other with respect. The humor in the activities and games
helps children learn to be respectful to each others. This
kit offers a complete curriculum with 60 activities, based
on the cognitive behavioral research, to increase positive
behavior in your group.
Included in the I Stop My Bully Behavior Kit are a Ruff
Tuff Bully Part, World's Biggest Eraser (for correcting big
mistakes), 24 Finger Puppets, Six 2" Vinyl Scowling Faces
Balls, Two 3" Foam Balls, Two Plastic Shields, Mini Basketball
Hoop, Posters and Charts and a canvas bag with the Talk, Trust
and Feel logo.
32 Lesson Plans Including: Learning About Bully Behavior
....developing a Group Bill of Rights and standing up for
one's self. I Stop My Bully Behavior....owning and stopping
behaviors that hurt others. The No-Put-Down Club....decreasing
name calling, treating others with respect. Letting Go of
Bad Feelings....releasing hurt, anger and shame. Hot and Cold
Thoughts and Words....learning how we self anger ourselves.
And much more! Order today to help children avoid gang and
drug related behaviors.
#100 I Stop My Bully
Behavior Kit (tm) $89.95
#101 Bully Behavior-Lesson Plans Manual Only $39.95
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