An intervention is a planned get together to respectfully
show the person who is engaging in unhealthy behavior
how his behavior affects others with a plea for
getting help. There is strength in numbers. Interventions
started in Alcoholics Anonymous to get the addicted
person into treatment and recovery. Family members,
friends and even a boss tell the person they love
and care about him, and then share how they have
been hurt by their behavior. Then everyone requests
that the angry person get professional help for
the problem is made. Phone numbers of programs
and resources for change are given.
Interventions
can be done with several people present or with
just yourself and your partner. Consider which
way would be more effective. They help the person
realize that they really do have a problem that
is hurting others, but in spite of that they are
loved and valued. Information is give about how
harmful the person's behavior has become and then
hope for a better future is offered. Interventions
are usually done with a four-part process and
are done in the spirit of love.
- We
care about you so much and we want the best
for you.
- Each
person is give the chance to talk. "Here is
how you have hurt me (list the specific behaviors)
and I want you to get help." Use the "I feel
formula of "I felt ______ when you _____.
- We
are asking you to make a commitment to seek
help and change.
- Here
are the community programs and resources that
are available. We love you and want you to call
now.
In
addition, you may heighten the awareness of how
his hostility hurts him. Ask the angry person
to notice how the physiological aspects of blowing
up affect him. Ask him to pay attention to his
pulse and perspiration rates that increase when
he is upset. Ask him to notice the rush of adrenalin
and stress hormones and how his blood pressure
soars. Remind him that these physiological changes
increase the stickiness of blood platelets, which
promote dangerous blood clots leading to heart
attacks or strokes.
Some
interventions do not work because the person is
so caught in denial, shame, power and control.
The person may not be at a time of his life when
he is ready to hear the truth about himself. Like
the AA model, interventions are more likely to
work when the person is down on himself and hits
rock bottom. This is called "bottoming out" in
AA. However, unlike the alcoholic who finds himself
in the gutter alone and friendless, the abusive
person feels justified and righteous in continuing
to use his anger.
You
may have to do more than one intervention before
it "takes." You may have to "raise the ante" on
the natural consequences of loss that will happen
if the person does change. Done correctly the
intervention offers a loving lifeline out of the
deep pit the person has dug. For more information,
talk to an addictions or anger management counselor
before doing a formal intervention.
