Is One Reaction To An Event That Represents
A Stress, Threat or Loss to You
The stress, threat or loss can be real or we can make it up
in our mind.
reactions happen when there is a stress, threat or loss to
when we didn't get what we wanted. Entitlement--'I want
it. You owe me. Give it to me now or I'll get angry'
Some Dynamics of Anger
become more angry when we are stress and body resources
are rarely ever angry for the reasons we think.
are often angry when we didn't get what we needed as a
often become angry when we see a trait in others we can't
stand in ourselves.
many current angers are old disappointments, traumas and
we get angry because we were hurt as a child.
get angry when a current event brings up an old unresolved
situation from the past.
often feel strong emotion when a situation has a similar
content, words or energy that we have felt before.
Need to Be Right" Way of Thinking
Which Accompanies Much Anger
of life's biggest setups is living with the belief that your
way is the only way. People who are constantly threatened
when others question their actions live a limited life. Living
life always on the defense is no fun! People who are prone
to anger have a set pattern of beliefs, attitudes, expectations
and behaviors. It's sad, but true, the more of you have of
the following characteristics, the more angry you will have:
_____ An insatiable need to be right
_____ A deep fear of being wrong
_____ A high need to control others
_____ An inability to say, "I don't know" and "I was wrong"
_____ Fear of hearing new information that threatens your beliefs
_____ Fear of letting go
_____ Preoccupation with winning approval from others
_____ The neurotic need to always be seen as tough, powerful and strong
_____ Pride at always being rational and logical
_____ Uncomfortable with expressing feelings
_____ Fear of being vulnerable
_____ Fear and severe discomfort about having bad feelings
Things To Think About Right Now!
you get more in touch with your feelings, you can learn
to deal appropriately with things that upset you. You
don't have to be afraid of feelings. Feelings are only
feelings. They come and go. The best thing to do with
uncomfortable feelings is to just watch them and then
learn from them.
you release your need to only see things in the way that
you have seen them before, you open up new possibilities
and adventures in your life.
you let go of your need to control others, you have more
energy to spend on things that are really important. Life
is more fun when you no longer are in charge of making
things right in the world!
you develop your intuitive, creative side, you complement
your rational side making you a full functioning human
you relinquish self-centeredness and look to the needs
of those around you, you develop intimacy and connectedness.
you dismiss the belief of "I have to be need to be safe
through strict, rigid thinking", you have more self-understanding.
you let go of your need to be right, you find you have
more of a Self. You become more secure and are less upset
when things don't go the way you want. Life becomes less
threatening. You see things in new and different ways.
You become happier.
There Is A Progression Of Anger Build Up
And Interrupt Your Anger In The Early Stages
it is normal to be human. Anger is a necessary part of the
human species. However, it's not fair to hurt others or yourself
with your negative emotions.
It makes sense to try to catch your anger at the irritation
and frustration stages before it builds up to humongous amounts
and leads to a blow up or major stuffing in your body.
Be in touch with your angry emotions. Your body will clue
you in to your feelings if you observe your tension patterns.
Own your anger. Call it by name.
Look for new and creative ways to speak it assertively and
then release. The more up front you can be with others, the
happier you will be. Make verbal contracts with those around
you to speak about your anger in constructive ways. Make your
family a "Speak your feelings kind of family!"
Keep looking for innovative ways that you can use your anger
in ways that do not hurt you or others. Become a lifelong
student on the dynamics of negativity as it plays itself out
in your life. You can change and become a master over your
Does Your Body Do When You Are Angry?
____ Adrenalin rush
____ Heart races
____ Body temperature goes hot or cold
____ Muscle tension
___ shoulders tense
___ jaw tightens
___ knots in stomach
___ arms and legs
___ clenched fists
___ all over
Anger May Be Only The Top Layer
What Other Emotions Lurk Under Your Anger?
What Meaning Do Your Give To The Event
That Makes You Angry?
You Say To Yourself About The Event
Determines Your Anger Response
Outers-- You Turn Your Anger On the Other Person and Become
Angers--You Become a Victim by Beating Yourself Up or
Allowing Others To Beat You Up
from Threat or Stressor--You Run Away and Don't Deal With
can't deal with this
me out of here
the Energy of the Threat or Stressor--You Change the Subject
With It! Good Mental Health Statements To Keep You Focused
in charge here
breathe and deal with this
feel___ when you___
can talk about this
can handle this
take time out to cool down and come back
safe. It's okay
I'm angry and I'll just watch what I'm thinking
These statements are called resilient words. They empower
you by reminding you that you are in charge not your anger.
Change Your Anger Coping Responses To A Higher Level
Move Your Anger Responses to Self Empowering Ones!
There Are Many Different Ways People
Respond to Threat, Stress and Loss:
Most Harmful Tactics are Used to Intimidate Others
assault others to intimidate them
lecture and verbally abuse others
your anger by holding grudges
in revenge thoughts and behaviors
your anger on people who are weaker than the one which
whom you are angry
and put the blame on others. Refuse to see your part
of the situation
the silent treatment, cold stares, sighs and eye rolls.
and call names
sarcastic remarks to show your superiority
the other person to get what you want
Your Anger on Yourself
yourself and beat yourself up
anger and stuff your feelings
down your mind and numb out
alcohol, drugs or food to numb out or get high when
you are angry
away and never address important issues.
get closure and keep storing up the anger
Yourself: Use Positive Ways to Deal With Anger
humor to defuse the tension in the situation
anger on a safe, inanimate object (punching bag, large
rubber ball or pillow)
movement and exercise to release anger
or draw out your negative feelings
feelings and talk your anger out. "I feel angry, when
others appropriately and set boundaries with them
solve the situation
unhealthy situations. Take a take time out to cool
down then come back to talk
constructive action. Change the word mad to mean "make
center and calm yourself so you can think clearly
about your self and the other person
what you are doing. Watch your reactions, thoughts
the meaning you gave the angering event
These latter reactions are the most helpful and healthy. They
increase your self esteem by allowing you to be in control,
not your anger!
Do you do the same old thing over and over with your anger?
Here's a challenge. See if you can increase the number of
anger responses you have instead of doing the same-o, same-o
thing each time.
Move more of your anger responses into ones that empower you.
Make a conscious choice to use positive anger responses!
Remember, it's OK to be angry.
It's what you do with it that counts.
Instead of doing the same negative response all the time,
increase the number of your anger responses.
Make more of your anger responses healthy.
Decrease your anger responses that hurt you or others.
Move your anger responses to ones which empower you.
How To Let Go of Your Mad Baggage
by Lynne Namka.
Back to Angries Out
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