and Do It Better Next Time
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. ©
it is! Here's an anger analysis worksheet for you to figure
out how you self anger and keep yourself in hormonal outrage.
Learn why and how you get mad. Learn better ways to cope
with threatening situations.
exercise is detailed because anger is complicated and you
are a complex person! Copy this exercise and put it in a
file to print out for the next time you get angry. Send
this anger analysis worksheet on to your friends with anger
angry response happens when you feel a threat or loss to
your body, property, self esteem, values, or when you did
not get what you wanted. Describe the threatening event
that upset you. What happened to you?
harmful angry behaviors did you engage in? Check off the
following anger responses.
are angry, you have lost your sense of well being and perhaps
something else. What did you lose?
harm--do you beat yourself up verbally or cut or burn
abuse or threaten others
to get other person to change
fantasies and behavior
your anger on weaker people or animals instead of addressing
anger on things--break or throw things.
others and ignore your part of the problem
others the silent treatment
your anger to manipulate other
and call names
sarcasm in a negative way to put someone down
an irritable mood and bad attitude keeping others away
anger and stuff your feelings
down and space out and get confused
on to anger with self righteous thinking
away and do not deal with the problem
alcohol, drugs or food to medicate yourself or calm yourself
anger inward and became depressed
yourself up by calling yourself names
you are angry and suppress your emotions
did what happened hurt your body?
did what happened hurt your belongings or property?
did the behavior of others hurt your feelings or self-esteem?
Did you feel discounted, put down, shamed or belittled?
is often about our values being trashed. What values of
yours did this situation offend?
expectation of yours did not happen? (I didn't get what
I wanted so I got mad.)
is a tough one, so think long and hard on this question.
Did you feel entitled to get something or get out of work
just because you are you? Or did you work hard to earn what
you expected thus deserving of it, but it was denied. "I'm
entitled to get what I want" is an irrational belief that
is a set up for being an angry person.
you get a pay off for getting angry? Did other people give
you what you wanted because you were louder, tougher and
stronger and could intimidate them? This question reflects
your character and self esteem--"I feel good about making
others give in to me by becoming angry."
you get angry when someone criticized you for something
you know you did wrong? Did you use anger to avoid taking
responsibility and avoiding feeling guilty and ashamed of
yourself? (If so, you substitute anger for other vulnerable
emotions which keeps you from being fair with others. Becoming
angry when you are guilty keeps you stuck in an unproductive
your anger help you control someone else's behavior? What
angry behaviors do you do to get the other person back off
or stop some behavior?
you use sarcasm, criticism or anger to try to "teach" someone
to do something? Did your teaching method work?
you were stressed, irritated or fatigued at the time of
the situation? Would you have gotten so mad if you had not
triggers out of your past did the event bring up? Who else
treated you the same way? What is the theme behind this
even that runs through your life?
you stuff your feelings until they build up and you explode?
Are you able to take care of the "little mads" when they
are small by problem solving or confronting the person about
you judge people on how they should or should not act? All
judgment is self-judgment in some way. Did you get angry
at a trait or behavior in someone, which is something you
also have a piece of? How have you acted the same way in
the past, even in a tiny way?
physiological cues from your body warn you of impending
anger? What changes happened to your muscles, cardiovascular
system or your body temperature? Don't know? Observe your
body the next time you lose your temper.
contagious. We can get revved up through association with
others. Do you listen to talk radio or watch television and
get riled up? Do the speakers threaten your values? Do you
seek out programs that that fuel your anger? Whose anger do
you piggyback on?
change with becoming hotter or colder
out of control
you "catch" the anger of someone else who was raging? Who
or what typically ignites your anger? Hanging out with angry
people who curse a lot influences you to act like them.
What negative people in your life create situations, which
steal your sense of well being?
"Hot Thoughts" do you use to keep holding on to anger? Do
you name call, blame, and curse or personalize the situation?
How does your blaming other people keep you going with hot
do you say to yourself to keep the focus on how unfair the
situation is, thus fueling your anger?
do you justify your anger? What do you say to rationalize
it? Do you have the need to be RIGHT? If you expect to get
your way a lot and then get angry when you don't, you probably
have the need to be right. (See The
Right Man/Woman Theory article on www.AngriesOut.com)
do you cope with daily stressors? (Express hostility, Take
it in, deny/repress, distract, talk it through or deal with
do you distract yourself to keep yourself from getting angry?
Do you breathe deeply to slow down the angry reaction?
how your anger gets worse when you are drinking or using
other feelings lay under your anger?
you turn anger in on yourself and beat yourself up? What ugly
names do you call yourself?
could you tell yourself so you would cool down?
you detach yourself from the angering event? Did you tell
yourself "I can handle this?" What words could you say to
the meaning you gave to the threatening situation. Pretend
you are a calm, wise person who is not involved personally.
How could you see the situation differently?
it is human to have anger. Anger is a normal human emotion.
It is what you do with it that counts! How could you act
differently next time the situation happens? What could
you do to express anger constructively in this situation?
Here are some helpful ways to express anger:
you learned about yourself doing this exercise?
and use humor to discharge the strong intensity building
up around the problem
fantasy to discharge strong emotions about the problem
movement, exercise or a sport to discharge your anger
(You still have to deal with the problem.)
about or draw pictures of your anger
for your part of creating the problem and admit it to
the other person
Feelings "I feel _____ when you ____."
the other person when appropriate
solve the situation instead of blowing up
Time Out to cool yourself off and return to problem solve
constructive action--address the problem as one to be
the meaning of MAD--Make a Difference
Center yourself and become calmer to work out the problem
the meaning you gave the problem. Shift your perspective
about yourself and others
a mindful observer of yourself when angry
your reactions, feelings and thoughts to learn about yourself
thus spending your energy on learning instead of blowing
is not necessarily bad. We need it to survive as a species.
It can give you the necessary energy and momentum for change.
How does anger help you? What positive function does it
serve in your life?
you need to be angry so that you will leave an unjust situation?
If so, go for it. Make your anger work for you!
completing this exercise to learn more about the dynamics
of your anger, you have taken the first step towards expressing
anger responsibly. Pat yourself on the back for educating
yourself about better ways to respond to situations where
you feel threatened.
ideas are taken from my book for teenagers and
to Let Go of Your Mad Baggage
book on anger and what to do about it! Life is
too short to spend it being pissed and upset much
of the time. The How to Let Go book helps you
unnecessary anger and release old anger.
your anger in ways that do not hurt others
and express the uncomfortable emotion of anger.
"withholding" yourself when angry.
"below the belt fighting" and learn how to
fight fair. www.angriesout.com/mads2.htm