Be A Gentle, Loving Person
Even When You Are Mad
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. ©
you like to keep your calm even when you are angry? Interested?
Analyze your own skill level with dealing with uncomfortable feelings.
Much of how we react when angry is learned behavior. You can unlearn
old nasty behaviors and learn new positive anger skills.
feelings and behaviors are very, very complex. They can be broken
down into many sub skills that you can practice daily. The more
skill you have to deal with your mad feelings, the better equipped
you will be to live in our chaotic world.
following quiz to find out how many positive anger skills you
use regularly. Practice the skills you do not have until they
become part of your daily repertoire.
To Release Current and Old Anger in Effective Ways
___ To displace
anger symbolically when it is not safe to express it directly.
___ To use positive displacement of anger and refrain from negative
___ To break into self-angering thoughts.
To Learn Assertive Ways of Dealing with Threat
___ To stand
up and speak assertively when threatened.
___ To say No, state boundaries and Bottom Line and leave if boundaries
are not respected.
___ To shield against the negative energy of name calling and
___ To take care of self when others fight. (It's not my problem.
It's a grownup problem.)
___ To break into dissociative states of fear and numbing out.
___ To use techniques of self soothing when upset.
To Learn to Contain Excessive Anger
___ To learn to discriminate between big and little deals. (Don't
sweat the small stuff.)
___ To realize and accept that you Don't always get what you
want. (Break into entitlement)
___ To learn to identify irrational thoughts and statements
that fuel anger.
___ To break into self-angering thoughts and use cool down thoughts.
___ To learn to analyze and correct mistakes instead of beating
___ To use Thought Stoppage techniques to interrupt intrusive,
___ To keep cool when others are trying to push your buttons.
___ To take Time Out when overheated during an argument and
then return to problem solve.
Observe Rather than Over React to Threatening Events
___ To learn
to observe and identify body reactions, emotions and thoughts
___ To use observation of physiological cues to break into anger
or fear responses.
___ To find and express sadness, confusion and hurt that may
lie under the anger.
___ To analyze the threatening event and identify and break
___ To bridge current angers back to old unresolved childhood
___ To stay present in the threat of danger rather than lashing
out or stuffing anger.
___ To change the self-angering or self-depreciating meanings
given to threatening events.
___ To make self empowering statements showing resilience.
To Channel Anger Into Constructive Action
___ To identify
and name feelings and use the "I formula" when appropriate
___ To speak feelings appropriately when feeling threatened
but refrain when it's not safe.
___ To deal with others who discount feelings and do not want
___ To express anger in safe and productive ways that increase
___ To change anger constructively to MAD--Make A Difference
To Learn to Feel Empathy and Respect Others
___ To listen
to others when they are upset.
___ To recognize and refrain from actions that are hurtful to
___ To stop blaming others under conditions of stress.
___ To take responsibility for one's own actions and wrong doings.
___ To refrain from sarcasm, name calling, egg-ons and put downs.
___ To see things from the other person's perspective.
___ To observe the effect of one's actions upon others and express
sorrow for hurting others.
___ To treat others with respect and altruism.
Back to Angries Out
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Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics.
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