Angry At Yourself?
Breaking Out of the Victim Trap
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 1997
Does your anger turn to yourself? Do you beat yourself up?
Make a firm commitment to stop being a victim by breaking into
the victim talk to take responsibility for your thoughts and
actions. Monitor your language to catch and interrupt yourself
during pity parties. Change your victim talk (I can't..., I
never could..., I'm no good at..... etc.) to language that affirms
positive thinking. Decide what you want and the type of person
you want to become. Tap into your longing to be whole. Decide
what you will have to do to get it. Break it down in small steps
and start to work on the first step.
Place yourself around positive people who are committed
to growth and well being. Invite your friends to confront
you lovingly when you get in the victim role. Learn to confront
the critical voice within that tells you that you are not
worthy. This is the technique of thought stoppage--you simply
interrupt any negative inner message. Discount the thought,
yell "No!" at it and distract yourself by getting into some
other thought pattern. Tell yourself that negative self talk
is only old programming. You can be very rude and interrupt
these self- condemning voices but be gentle with yourself.
Hold an inner dialogue to determine how being a victim pays
off for you. Examine victim patterns in your parents and relatives.
Learn what hidden messages lie within about your not deserving
to be successful, healthy or have a loving relationship. Explore
these messages that sabotage your well being with a process
oriented therapist. Make a pact with yourself to be responsible
for choices that you make that affect your healing.
- I am responsible for the victim thoughts which stay in
my mind.
- I am responsible for denying what I know to be true about
myself.
- I am responsible for the people with whom I surround
myself.
- I am responsible for remaining in victim beliefs.
- I let my victim thoughts go.
- I affirm that I am healthy and whole.
Say these affirmations ten times daily. Write your own affirmations
and post them on your mirror, your car steering wheel, your
computer, sink, etc. Carry the affirmations in your pockets
to take out and read when you have a moment. Speak them out
loud with authority. Practice seeing yourself in a different
light.
Turn your life over to your Higher Power. Catch any beating
yourself up thoughts. Practice daily surrender on small things.
Learn to let go of that which you no longer need. Work your
anger to let it go.
Do It Differently!
Do Your Life Differently
Whatever it is that takes you down into victim thinking,
change it!
Change your life style to one that promotes physical, mental
and spiritual health.
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