Dear Reader,
One of my passions in life is to help people live happier lives. With my mission of helping people understand their negative emotions and make better choices, I developed Talk, Trust & Feel, our company which features curriculums, kits, books and products on good anger management. Then I created these web pages to provide information to individuals about their anger.
There are many ways to get the word out about better living through understanding anger. Being a rather creative individual, I wondered what other venue could give people information about their anger. So I wrote this synopsis of a movie--a Romantic Comedy about Anger. I do not want to write the script. I am not a script writer nor do I have the contacts and resources in the media field to turn it into a movie.
I just want to pass these ideas on to a scriptwriter, movie producer or director who could develop it further. So I'm sending this out to the Universe via my web page.
So think hard to see if you can help. If you know of any one who could take these ideas and develop it into a full length movie feature, send it on to them. Or e-mail me if you have information about producers and directors who produce romantic comedies. My secret desire is for it to get to Nora Epheron.
Here are the criteria for writing a script.
1. The writer must be able to write funny and sustain the humor in the script.
2. He/She must understand the dark humor of human neuroses and portray the characters true to themselves while fashioning a love story.
3. He/she must have connections and be able to sell the script to Hollywood.
4. And lastly, he or she must have the perseverance and stick to itness to keep at it to get the script sold!
This is a big order. I could write the script myself, but it takes more than writing a screen play to get it to the big screen!
Maybe we could stir something up, Hollywood wise!
Lynne Namka
For further information, contact:
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. Licensed Psychologist
FAX 520-825-0556
phone at 520-825-4766
Web: www.AngriesOut.com
Synopsis--That's the
Power of Love (Working Title)
A Romantic Comedy by Lynne Namka © 1999
This romantic comedy combines the neurosis of As Good As It Gets with the deception of You've Got Mail and pokes fun at the self-help movement. The relationship between the two romantic leads play out the "Can't live with you, can't live without you" scenario. The story-line poses the question: What if a nice guy man with a temper falls head over heels for a doormat-type woman who is afraid of confrontation and anger, so he resorts to the deception of hiding his anger to win her.
Chris, who is verbal, wise cracking, short fused clutz, is attracted to Janie who is gun shy of men and obsessed with self-help ideas and personal growth. The couple are immediately attracted to each other in an anger management workshop where each have been ordered to go. (He, by a judge after an episode of road rage and she, by her boss when she tries to be assertive after years of submissiveness but overreacts several times with aggressiveness.) Janie likes his wit, sex appeal and general appreciation of life. When Janie tells him she is afraid of angry men, Chris says he is there on assignment for a free lance article on anger management.
Chris goes to great lengths to hide his anger that his clutzy behavior brings up. Smitten and in love for the first time, he actively pursues her pretending that he is interested in personal growth. She catches on to his anger and breaks off the relationship. His magazine editor friend George, with commitment problems of his own, adds to the tension by trying to interest Chris in other women. Janie's gutsy friend, Karen who is recovering from cancer, tries to set her straight by pushing her to address her fears of being yelled at.
They are shocked at each other's relatives. Hers-Archie and Edith Bunker type; his--George Kostanza's parents on Seinfeld. Janie confronts Chris about his lying about his anger and she breaks it off. Chris arranges for them to meet at a TV talk show (Oprah type) The guests turn Jerry Springer style of attack and punch and the hostess gets socked while our couple gazes into each other eyes.
Back together, he relaxes his anger guards and starts blowing up often rationalizing "Hey, I'm Italian." They get back together and then break up. She can't cope with criticism and anger and he refuses to look at how his behavior affects the relationship.
The couple avoid facing what they each are terrified of emotionally. She--the anxiety and discomfort she feels when confronted or yelled at. He--having to admit that he has a temper that he blows often and is invested in being right most of the time. The perennial battle of the sexes heats up with sexual tension shown in the couple's coming closer and then distancing through their dance of anger.
In a moment of truth, Chris confronts George on his fear of being trapped in a marriage that does not turn out well and owns that he has the same fear. Writing an article on anger management, he begins to realize how self righteous he has been. Together the couple seeks out avenues of growth.
Character conflict is shown by their strong attraction and reluctance to look at their own emotional baggage. Through a series of events where they break up and get back together, they learn how their buttons are pushed Through sorting it out with their friends and each other, they develop the emotional courage to look at their tragic flaws. They agree to stop creating events that trigger each other's anger. The Power of Love is that true love causes this human, but flawed couple to stretch and grow up to gain the happiness they seek.
Working Outline--That's the Power of Love
by Lynne Namka © 1999
The gods, whoever they may be, must have had a sense of humor when they set the stage for human couplings. The Comedy of the Human Mating Dance comes from two diametrically opposed urges--the urge to merge and be connected to someone other than yourself and the desire for freedom, to have space and be autonomous. Ah, we must have conflict for romance to blossom. All great romances play out the Commitment Dilemma, most always being out of synch struggling between our basic fear of emotional dependence and the comfort of having a mate for security, sexual desire and nest building. Human beings bounce back and forth between love and fear and all its forms.
One of the more humorous forms of human fear is anger. There is great humor in defending against knowing our tragic flaws.
Trendy California sea coast town. The present.
The story opens with a car chase. Chris, angry that his favorite team has lost the ballgame, has been cut off by an offensive driver and takes off after him in a fit of temper. He gets out of the car at a stop light and confronts the man angrily and throws a punch which misses. He is given a ticket for reckless driving and road rage. Chris is creative, verbal, wise-cracking, slightly sarcastic and lives, breathes and talks sports. He is a sports writer and his language is peppered with sports metaphors.
The scene switches to Janie, with eyes glazed over the excitement of an addict discovering a stash, discovering a new specialty bookstore, Just Help Yourself! She is so caught up in her enthusiasm for the bookstore that she isn't aware of the car chase.
Janie indulges in her addiction--buying a huge stack of self help books. Janie is wholesome, attractive, perky, generous, gullible and stubborn always involved in personal growth projects. She is a successful and independent woman on the job but has made a mess of her romantic relationships by always giving in to the man. All the books she currently buys are about becoming assertive: Codependent No More, Your Perfect Right, to Say No, When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, Women Who Love Too Much and How Can I Love You Without Giving Up Me? plus others.
Could add minor character here--a clerk who is a mousey, bookworm who can quote excerpts from the self help books but doesn't have any relationships in her life. We see her looking longingly at couples but overlooking the nerdy man who is trying to work up the courage to approach her. By the end of the story, she has begun to talk to the man. Park scene. Coming out of court where a judge ordered him to an anger management class for road rage, Chris is furious about the consequences of the ticket. He stops at the nearby park and commiserates with a scruffy looking puppy on how unfair it is, "All I did was flip him the bird and throw one punch which didn't even hurt him. Now I've got to give up six Saturday mornings to take this crappy anger class." Noticing how hungry the dog looks, Chris buy him a hot dog. Some children run up excited they have found their lost puppy and the dog jumps up and down with happiness at being reunited with his family. Chris smiles and remarks to a nearby squirrel that this happy every after endings are for others, not for him.
Meanwhile Janie has wandered into the park with a book, The Doormat Syndrome, (my book by the way!) and sits down on a nearby bench to read. She watches the reunion scene wistfully and smiles briefly at Chris as they share a moment of total strangers with a common, pleasant experience.
Janie's apartment. Studiously, Janie takes notes on how to be assertive and posts ideas on a large black board. Her studio apartment is small because she spends all money on self help books. Janie has been advised to go to the Anger Management class by her boss after she has had several episodes of trying to assert herself but over exaggerates her responses. A coworker asked her an innocuous question about the office picnic which she has handled down to the very last detail for the past three years and she sees it as criticism and replies, "Fine, you plan the damn picnic this year!"
Anger management class. Chris spots Janie in class and is instantly smitten. Janie notices Chris, but holds back telling herself, "Whoa girl, remembering how you were burned last time with an angry man." Janie is wary and cautious, having recently been walked all over by her boyfriend. As Chris and Janie meet and talk, she immediately sets strong boundaries. She informs him that she is taking a hiatus from dating as all men are jerks. She will never, ever allow another man to get away with lying. She can't stand confrontation. Men have used their anger to control her and she will never allow that to happen to her again. She has decided to remain celibate until she finds a man who does not have anger issues.
Chris has never really been in love (other than sports and catsup) but is so taken with Janie. He thinks she might be "The One." Chris is embarrassed to be in the class and hides the real reason he is there telling her that he is taking the class as an assignment for writing an article on anger management. He tells her that she will have to get over her fear of anger if she ever wants to have a solid relationship. He pretends to be interested in self growth and convinces her that they can just be friends. He makes her laugh and she awkwardly bargains the parameters of the friendship. Song: Faith of the Heart, by Rod Stewart.
The friendship proceeds with Chris's constant pursuit and they meet and hang out. Chris makes Janie laugh by his off-the-wall jokes and impersonations. He deceives her as he tries to hide his frustration and irritability at being a clutz.
Restaurant scene. Chris shoots the bull with his with his editor friend George about the latest teams in basket ball and hockey. He tries to figure out all angles and avoid situations on his get togethers with Janie that will trigger his anger. George, with commitment phobia of his own, is not supportive of his friend finding "The One," as he has had dozens of relationships but has not yet found his own "One." George calls Janie "Beaverface" and tries to interest Chris in other women. George discusses his recent breakup and his new "love" of the week. Chris and George mock the personal growth movement. Chris confides that he has quizzed the clerk at Just Help Yourself about the new buzz words in self help so he can use them with Janie. He says it is just like basketball, you have to know the lingo to "play the game."
First real date. At a fancy restaurant, Chris is nervous about trying to talk about something else except sports, and knocks the silverware on the floor. Red with anger, he points to something else distracting Janie from viewing his frustration. He has to ask the waiter for catsup. He shakes the stuck catsup bottle too hard causing it to get all over everything. He excuses himself to go to the restroom where he vents his anger in secret then comes in smiling. He is slightly off key as he talks the self-help lingo (in touch with my feelings, etc.) to impress Janie.
The tension between the couple builds as infatuated Chris tries to control his anger from Janie in several scenes. (His favorite player gets thrown out of the game. He gets tied up in a traffic jam on the way to a ball game.) She meanwhile reminds Chris that she requires honesty in all her friends. She struggles with her conflict of losing her individuality again and her awareness of really liking him. She reads The Rules, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and The Seven Dumbest Relationship Mistakes Smart People Make.
Janie discusses her confusion about having to attend the anger management class with best friend. Karen, is recovering from chemotherapy, encourages Janie to be straight and speak out for her needs. When she urges Janie to be truthful, Janie says she is afraid that the truth will ruin the relationship. Karen talks about the pivotal moment of her life--her brush with death and her determination to cut the crap from her life. She describes the moment of truth as that instant where she saw how she saw how she had been sabotaging herself and made the scary but heartfelt decision to change. Like the old proverb says, "The truth shall set you free." Janie describes a pivotal moment in her last relationship when she saw the look on her sister's face when she explained that she was late for a lunch date because she had to iron her boyfriend's jockey shorts. She says heard another version of that proverb--"The truth shall set you free, but first it makes you miserable. Karen replies "Go girl. Go for it."
Janie is resistive to Chris's trying to move the relationship forward. He tries to advance romantically, she stubbornly puts forth boundaries that protect her She has a hard time dealing with her obvious strong attraction to him and struggles with her feelings as her body slowly moves towards his while her mind is telling her to cool it. She becomes more passive going along with him and then reacts in arguments rather than looking out for her own interests. She is unaware how she starts to adapt herself to his needs as they go to sports events and shelves her own interests.
The couple visits her Uncle Archie to return a casserole dish. The uncle looks like Archie Bunker with a sly grin on his face and the aunt looks like Edith Bunker looking squelched with the exact tv sitcom house out of the 60's.
Janie's apartment. Janie inside hears Chris's loud expression of anger from outside, then he comes with a nothing-is-wrong look on his face. Later Chris watches the basketball game while Janie reads Keeping the Love You Get, a Guide for Singles. and the cat sleeps. Feeling secure in the friendship, Chris lets his guard down. He jumps up after a foul on his favorite player yelling with mild expletive. He knocks over a stack of self help books on the table next to him. Startled, Janie and her cat jump three inches off the couch. Janie remarks to the cat, "Testerone City." He gets angry that she doesn't join him in his anger that his team lost the game.
Janie withdraws from the relationship for several days telling him that friends do not lie to each other. Song--I'm Gonna Harden My Heart, I'm Gonna Swallow My Tears. Finally, Chris catches up with her and insists on knowing what went wrong. Timidly she tells him that she can never be involved with an angry man.
Caught in the act of being confronted about his anger, Chris defends his vocal behavior saying "I'm Italian (or a Sports Nut). All Italians get angry. This is how I am, just blowing off steam. I have to get it out so I won't build it up and get a heart attack. It doesn't mean anything. I'm just excited." Jamie looks doubtful. He tries to joke it away saying, "Hey, that's Italian." She remembers the article that he was writing on anger management and asks to see it.
Chris has to produce the article on anger management so starts surfing the web to pull ideas together. He throws some ideas together and approaches George at his office about the idea. George buys the concept and gives him the assignment. After their sports discussion, George asks if Chris has gotten to first base with Janie yet. They discuss how impossible women are and that they can't live with them, can't live without them. Song--Why Can't a Woman Be More Like a Man?
Chris and Janie visit his uncle and she is wide eyed taking internal notes about how his family interacts with each other. She is horrified by their loud Italian style of disagreeing with each other ( similar to George Kostanza'a parents in Seinfeld--could the same actors be obtained for this scene?) and does not see their love and affection underneath the fighting.
Frightened of her strong feelings for Chris, Janie confronts him about his anger. She breaks the relationship off saying she could never be happy with an angry man, retorting, "And to think I was considering making love with you tonight. I will never go to bed with a man who has anger." He replies, "Then you better prepare yourself for a long dry life." They break up angrily with each shaking the bony finger of blame at each other and Janie stomps out.
Scenes where both are alone in separation limbo misery. Song--A Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Furious with Chris's deception, Janie attacks her apartment cleaning furiously in the middle of the night. Actually all she does is move her self help books around. South Pacific movie on tv with the song--I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair. She's pounds pillows. Janie lets out her bottled up anger at a telemarketer who happens to call while she is eating. (Sideways anger with someone safe) She expresses her feelings of betrayal of his deceiving her about his anger by making a trip to her favorite bookstore and buying Love Addiction, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, and Getting to I Do.
Chris plays handball with George, putting his frustration into the game while spouting his rationalizations about his anger. George discusses why he's dumping his current girlfriend and eggs Chris on about finding another relationship.
Janie's apartment. Janie talks with friend Karen who teases her about resisting her pivotal moment. She sets Janie straight saying, "It will be you, not the man of the moment that determines whether you are walked on or not. Janie retorts that Chris seems to have so many problems. Karen replies "So? Everyone has problems. You just have to find someone whose problems you can tolerate. Someone whose problems you can live with. The main question to ask yourself if "Is he workable? Will he work on his problems? If he can, then the relationship can grow. That is if you are workable yourself." Then she challenges Janie to keep the emphasis on herself and be more assertive rather than trying to "fix" the man. She warns Janie saying men are not like houses and it's no bargain trying to get a good fixer-upper.
Both Chris and Janie are miserably depressed staying apart. Chris contacts Sally Jesse Raphael or Oprah on doing a show to get them back together. The hostess invites Janie purportedly to a show about relationship break ups. The talk show turns to Jerry Springer combative style with the other guests fighting while Chris and Janie are struck hopelessly, eyes locked with their love for each other. Song: That's the Power of Love." Chaos reins with the talk show hostess ineffective in getting the show under control and getting socked herself getting in the middle between two guests. The talk show hostess remarks that her next show will be on anger management.
The couple's friendship resumes. Janie objects to Chris's outbreaks of anger and makes him her current project. He objects to her objections. Both go into stubborn mode unable to feel empathy for the other's point of view. The couple fights over his leaving the toilet seat up and her objecting to his french fries and catsup diet, each pushing the other's buttons and over reacting. They disagree over which restaurant to go to and he refuses to ask for directions and gets hopelessly lost. They use sarcasm to maintain emotional distance. The fear of the loss of the relationship escalates into angry and demanding behavior. Friends start to call them Bicker and Dicker. Both are miserable but the unmistakable love and as yet unspoken passion between them keep them caught up. Seeing an impasse, they break up with anguish and heartbreak. Song How Can I Live Without You?
Janie responds by overdosing on self help books--How to Survive the Loss of a Love, How to Mend a Broken Heart: Moving On and Letting Go. Karen reminds Janie that there is no such beast as a man who isn't angry in some way and that she needs to learn how to deal with her own emotional distress when a man is critical. She challenges Janie to look at how she withdraws in relationships and nurses grudges.
The couple get back together after bumping into each other at Just Help Yourself! bookstore lecture on "Fair Fighting." They see themselves in the examples given by the speaker and agree to do stop doing "Below the Belt Fighting." Hope looms anew for the relationship.
However, Chris is critical of Janie and she responds by being sullen, snapping at him then withdrawing. She puts all the blame on him for the relationship problems. When stressed, she goes back to the bookstore to buy more books. These books include The Dance of Anger, Creative Aggression and How to Let Go of Your Mad Baggage. She takes notes about how people cope with threat and stress and posts them on her black board. The couples' hassles continue, with their doing the back and forthing dance coming close with each using anger to back off. The longing for connection between them sizzles with unexpressed passion.
Outdoor restaurant scene. Chris and Janie finally realize that they have to do something about the effects of anger in their relationship. They overhear two elderly people married 50 years still arguing over who had the most terrible mother. When they ask them how long they have been arguing over this, the elderly couple begin to fight on when and how it started. As Chris and Janie realize the disastrous consequences of being locked into a combative relationship with someone you passionately love, a look of horror comes on their faces, the music comes in with the song, I Can't Go for That, oh, no; no can do."
With this setback to their romance, Chris starts reading material that he gathers from the Net and takes it to heart. He finds a list on different anger responses from Most Harmful to Most Helpful. He starts incorporating these suggestions into his life and decides to use his anger to make a difference in his life. He sees how his attitude of "That's just the way I am" has contributed to his justifying his anger and keeping him separate from the woman he loves. He buys a blackboard and starts posting ideas to change his life.
When George tells him that no woman is worth the effort, Chris snaps at him saying, "Stop calling her Beaverface. Her name is Janie. And another thing, I'm sick of hearing about your "Perfect Woman." You say you want a close relationship but you act otherwise. You're conning yourself. You pursue feverishly then back off when you catch her. I've seen you in a cold sweat over the thought of settling down. You are afraid of the "M" word. You build the pedestal that you put the woman on, then you kick it over because she has feet of clay."
George objects saying Chris is breaking the "Guy Code" of not calling your buddy of his stuff. Wound up, Chris continues "Your fault finding is the kick her off the pedestal. Her Basset Hound has bad breath so you break up with her. You don't like her mother, her house-cleaning or the way she sneezes. She's too fat, too skinny, too chatty, too quiet, too this, too that. It's not the woman. It's you! You're afraid of being tied down. You've got commitment phobia. You pull a Seinfeld." George tries to interject, but Chris goes on. " You are 36 years old, for gosh sakes and there is still a "girl of the month." Doesn't that tell you something? You are just plained scared of being tied down. And you know what? I'm just like you! " Astonished, a woman listening at the next table gets it that her boyfriend has the same problem and pours her plate of spaghetti over his head and marches off.
His apartment scene. Chris shares a check list of how couples push each other's buttons with Janie. Janie remarks that they each will have to grow individually or they will grow apart. They do a Behavior Exchange (I'll stop bugging you about this if you stop bugging me about that.) Chris turns the bargaining into an auction. "Let's see, what do I got here? I've got excessive basket ball talk, I got blows ups big and small. I got the button of telling you what to do. Then there's my blowing up about my clutziness. What will you give me? What will you give me for my stopping my pressuring you to get a trendy hair cut? How about my yelling at stupid drivers? Do I hear an offer? Let me here your offer. Going once, going twice . . . They negotiate stop hitting each other's trigger points saying"I'll change if you change." They end up laughing on the floor. As they come closer to each other, Janie gets scared and leaves quickly.
Chris's apartment. Chris comes across the Right Man check list ( a list of behavior characteristics that indicate a closed mind and rigid outlook) on the web and recognizes how closed his belief is that he is entitled to get angry and express it vocally.
As he starts typing his anger management article, he realizes he is dialoguing with himself about how he will have to change to keep Janie as a constant in his life. He emails the information to Janie and challenges her to see her own closed beliefs. He says they are like belly buttons--he is an "anger outer" and she is an "anger inner." Simultaneously they add notes to their black boards.
The couple starts looking for ways to defuse their individual firecrackers. They buy matching journals and start taking data on how their values differ which create the trigger points of anger. They attend a meditation class at Just Help Yourself! where they are instructed just to sit with the emotions as they are to think of a recent upsetting experience. They find this exercise incredibly difficult with Chris silently fuming and turning red and uncomfortable Janie getting up to go the bathroom often. They get a glimmer of just observing negative emotions instead of reacting to them. Outside the bookstore, they look up and see the significance of the neon sign, Just Help Yourself!
However, our couple still has some growing up to do. Now their anger turns into one upmanship. They start competing to see who can clean up their anger quicker and this turns into an argument until they realize what they are doing. Song--Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better. They begin to see that any potential thing however small can be used to fight about. They agree to lay down the arms of war and fall into the arms of peace. Chris buys a book case which he soon fills up with relationship books.
Together, they read He's Scared, She's Scared--Understanding the Fears that Sabotage Your Relationship, finding their patterns illustrated in the book. Blown away how this book hits it on the head for him, Chris understands how he has used anger to keep true intimacy away. He says he has to get a copy of this book for George. The books on Janie's table show Getting the Love You Want, Getting to "I Do" , and How to Stay Lovers for Life.
The ending scene shows the couple walking on the beach in gentle rain holding hands. They agree that they have problems they can manage and agree to be intense about making it work together and not about arguing. As they walk away, they begin to softly and lovingly argue, "Can/cannot, Will/will not, Tis/Tis not, Un huh/Hun uh." The music swells as Chris and Janie kiss with the song coming in, The Power of Love
