Free Weekly Inspirational e-mail Newsletter

Life is a challenge sometimes. We all need a bit of inspiration to become our best and highest selves!

You are invited to join my new e-mail newsletter that features self growth articles drawn from the psychological and spiritual literature. I am a writer and disseminator (sometimes obsessively so) by nature and have vast amounts of information on living happily and peacefully in the world.
Every week I will send out a short e-mail article on personal growth or on spiritual growth. There may be outlines of books that have been written on an important topic. Or I may include one of my published articles which has generated a lot of interest. Spiritual writings will be of a generic nature, not specific to any one religion and will focus on self understanding, gaining peace and forgiveness.

This newsletter is NOT specifically about anger although it has an occasional anger article. It covers many self help topics, some of which are metaphysical in nature.
Feel free to copy and pass on any of the writings that you find to be of value. No need to ask me for permission. A guiding principle of my life is 'Got good stuff? Pass it on!' I invite you to do the same. Please forward this message to as many people as you know whom you think might want to receive weekly self help or inspirational information. Send it on to at least five people or your regular e-mail group.

Web Valence is my new newsletter server service that will send you the weekly newsletter. They will not give your email address to anyone. Click here to Subscribe or to Cancel your current subscription
Only you can subscribe to the free newsletter. Web Valence will contact you back to verify your email address to make sure you and not someone else has subscribed for you.

Peace,
Lynne Namka

Sample: Psychological Article:
Quote for the week of 6/24/01
How a Child Learns
Thus a child learns, by wiggling skills through his fingers and his toes, into himself. By soaking up habits and attitudes of those around him, by pushing and pulling his own world. Thus a child learns, more through trial than error, more through pleasure than pain, more through experience than suggestion and telling, and more through suggestion than direction.
And thus a child learns through affection, through love, through patience, through understanding, through belonging, through doing and through being. Day by day the child comes to know a little bit of what you know, a little bit more of what you think and understand. That which you dream and believe are in truth what is becoming that child. As you perceive dully or clearly, as you think fuzzily or sharply, as you believe foolishly or wisely, as you dream drably or goldenly, as you bear false witness or tell the truth, thus a child learns.
Fredrick Moffett
Excerpted from Living, Loving and Learning by Leo Busacaglia

Yes Virginia, There are Functional Families!
Lynne Namka Ed. D. © 1998
Virginia Satir, pioneer in family therapy, was the first to describe a healthy, happy family and the poor coping strategies of families caught in dysfunction. Nowadays everyone seems to come from a dysfunctional family that dealt with the hard knocks of life by creating more confusion and pain.
Satir taught congruence and straight communication skills as a way of stopping the unhappiness that some families create down through the generations. I remember the day she charged us to go forth into the world and bring functionality to our families and to the business world. Satir changed my life around completely, allowing me to become the woman I am today.
So what is a functional family? Is there such a thing as a functional family?
Several years ago, I watched my daughter and her husband and their nine-month-old son during the Christmas visit. I observed as Kathy, radiant and loving as a new mother, played with Michael setting firm limits and telling him no when necessary. She allowed the baby to freely explore and experience his new world as only a determined baby who has just learned to crawl can do. When Michael got stuck between the couch and a post, Kathy watched patiently as he cried, struggled and worked his way out. When he cried, no one shushed him or rushed over to save him.
Jim, the proud father, sat on the floor with them laughing and playing with the baby and occasionally reaching over to give Kathy a hug or a kiss. Jim roughhoused with the baby teaching him to enjoy the rough and tumble of life; Michael squealed with delight. I saw how the parents disagreed over things and worked their differences through. Jim's parents died when he was young and his older brothers and sisters raised him. He said that this was the best Christmas of his life. Seeing the look of loving and being loved on his face and my daughter's joy, I was honored to be a part of their first Christmas with the baby.
This is a functional family I thought. Love, self-expression, necessary limits. Allowing feelings even the not-so--comfortable ones. Negotiation of conflict not avoiding it or escalating it into aggression. Compromise, meeting each other's needs while keeping one's own self constant. The constancy of firm discipline both for the parents and children. The seeing the best in others, viewing the glass half full instead of empty. Staying true to the family's needs for honesty and integrity.
Functionality--this is what Satir talked about--what I had been so hungry for coming from a family that did not know how to handle conflict without isolating, blaming, giving in or manipulating. Which I had allowed in my own children's lives when they were young, because it was all I knew how to do.
Then I met Virginia Satir, took her training and slowly started to clean up my act. The determination to be direct and straight in all my relationships had paid off not only in my life but also in my children's. Probably the best investment in life that I had ever made was those dollars spent for training with Virginia Satir. She taught me techniques to heal my own long-held-hurts from my own family pain and to deal straight with others. My children learned through my directness what they had not been taught earlier on. Now the payoffs in good mental health continue through the next generation.
Then I thought about what breaks into a functional family system. What stressors cause husband and wife to pull apart, distance and slowly erode the love that they had pledged? The external stressors are job loss, financial strain, illness and too busy schedules resulting in not taking time for each other. Extensive job demands and work holism can result in family pressures and strain pulling parents away from the needs of the children. Telling children that the negative feelings they have aren't real.
But it's the adaptations to the stressors that define functionality. It's the way we cope with stress and conflict not what happens to us. The inspirational literature is full of examples of people with severe adversity in their life who make it against the odds. The difference between winners and losers seems to be how we cope with failure, with betrayal, with trauma and with those aspects in those we love that are so irritating. It's the inner demons that create dysfunctional families.
The internal strains come from fear and unmet needs deep in the psyche that create giving in too much and giving up one's self or conversely, selfishness, egocentricity and refusal to see problems from the other person's point of view. The demons not addressed slay the integrity of the self. Not having a way to negotiate conflict and fight in healthy ways sets the stage for below-the-belt-fighting. Refusal to know one's own anger results in expressing it sideways in manipulation or aggression. Denial of one's problems--not owning up and dealing with addictive needs create the most severe forms of dysfunction in families. Alcohol and substance abuse, reacting to physical attractions and affairs with people outside of the marriage, partying and going to bars, etc.; these addictions create chasms in relationships. All of these behaviors create distance and anger in relationships and wreck havoc on children.
Now I know that my daughter and her husband will meet times of adversity; their family may not always be so functional. No person is so lucky to go through life without hard knocks. But help is available for the asking to help families gain strategies and skills for dealing with tough times. Trials and tribulations can create character and depth of being or there can be a giving up into depression or refusal to take responsibility. Those tantalizing demons of fear, addictive urges, denial and defensiveness can be tamed. It's what we do with adversity that creates the life well lived or one of despair.
So I got to thinking about what we need to teach children to prepare them for times when life does knock them around? What tools and techniques do children need to prepare themselves for the difficult times in life? As we move into this new century, what is the best that we can teach our children so that they will be self-reliant? What is it to be really fully human living free and expressive? Why don't we teach children the truth of what they are--a beautiful expression of love?
So in response to these poignant questions, which have to do not only with our creating inner peace, but also peace in our world, I wrote a tribute to what Virginia Satir taught . . .

What if every child were taught that . . .
.... Feelings, especially bad ones, are just that--feelings come and go and can be watched and called by their name and released. That uncomfortable feelings can be self soothed by rubbing your body and breathing deeply when upset or hurt. That feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness can be talked about in safe ways with people who help you understand them. That fears are mice with nervous stomachs with megaphones.
.... Scrapes and small fixes can be gotten out of by using the old noggin to problem solve. That you are responsible for the consequences of actions and to think before speaking or acting. That learning sometimes involves making errors. That it's okay to make a mistake with the choice to learn from it. That taking responsibility and making amends for what you did wrong is one of the biggest boosters to self-esteem. That constructive criticism can be listened to use as a challenge to do better next time. That you can choose love people who are problem solvers and do not sweep issues under the rug.
...Failure is part of life and the determination to get up and try again is a handy tool to deal with it. That the negative dialogue with oneself after failing can be stopped. That you fail only when you give up and let failure get you down by defining yourself as a failure. That the world can be seen through the lens of optimism. That there are some things that you can change and some things that just need to be accepted.
.... Grownups are responsible for handling their own pain. Children need not take in the negative feelings of others. Kids should be kids. Kids should not be expected to take care of adults who are hurting or choose to remain caught in addictions. That good help is available for those who want it and make it happen.
.... There are those in the world who don't feel good about themselves who use put downs and bad labels. Unkind words can be refused and deflected rather than internalized.
.... Conflict is inevitable. That confrontation and threat can be met with techniques of fair fighting and conflict resolution. That denial of anger is a defense that sets up an unhappy life. That anger is a normal human emotion that can be expressed appropriately.
.... The darker aspects of yourself are part of being human and are to be understood and transformed rather than be denied or railed against. Learn to be empathetic with the darker aspects of others while holding them responsible for their cruel deeds.
.... Those exciting high feelings of addiction that come from doing something unhealthy or dangerous are a trap for an unsatisfying life. That the addictive highs should not be used to distract from or medicate pain. That there are feel good solutions--healthy addictions to help alleviate stress and conflict.
.... You don't always get your way and that's okay. That the feeling good that comes from trying to gain power over or hurting others is a pseudo self-esteem. Feelings of power gained at the loss of someone else are only temporary and destructive to both involved. That personal power brings about more joy than power over others. True self esteem comes from satisfaction of living according to the Higher Self.
.... We are all brothers and sisters of one big family and that skin color and individual differences are to be celebrated. That life is precious in every form and is to be respected.
...You are truly a child of the Universe created in love to love and be loved. To get love from those who can give it and stop trying to get it from those of stone. That love is your Original Birthright. That no matter what the confusion or question, love is always the answer.
Flash! Flash!
To Teach Children These Skills You Must Use Them Yourself!

Yes Virginia Satir, There is such a Thing as Functional Families!
REMEMBER, NO MATTER WHAT THE PROBLEM, LOVE IS ALWAYS THE ANSWER.
BE GENTLE AND LOVING WITH YOURSELF.

Sample Spiritual Article:
Quote for the Week of Jan. 28, 2001:
'This week, this month, discover your joy. Discover what you are effective at and makes you feel good. Discover your goodness.
Write it down. Begin in small, simple steps to expand on this. There is a great spiritual opportunity here. You will discover your purpose in life in the process.
Act as if this can "be" and can "happen" and miracles will truly come from it.
The Power Squared and Global Consciousness Shifts!
There is a massive shift of consciousness taking place on the planet. Because the energy or power of a group with a common vision increases in direct square proportion to the size of the group, 73,500 people with a unified vision of global peace and human dignity would have the equivalent potential to facilitate this massive consciousness shift. (73,500 squared equals 5,402,250,000 people)....
Connecting your vision with others is the way to bring about desired change....Personal power begins with one's relationship with the Divine and the drawing of "right intention" into one's life and one's living..)
-- Meredith Young-Sowers

Finding the Small, Still Voice Within
Lynne Namka, Ed. D © 1996
If you love Me, keep my commands, and I shall ask the Father and He will give you another Helper to stay with you forever, the Spirit of Truth whom the world cannot receive, because it neither perceives nor understands Him. You know Him, for He remains with you and will be within you.
John 14: 15-17 The Bible, Revised Berkeley Version
In following our own personal vision for healing our self and the planet, we face an exciting challenge. The challenge is to become the most loving, self-actualized individuals that we can become. We have the tools to do this now with the self-help groups, personal growth workshops, therapeutic techniques and spiritual guidance that are available. We are being given the opportunity to achieve our highest spiritual level, and in doing so, to change the world. Following our vision is easier if we have a process that encourages us during times of doubt. As Naomi Stephan said, 'You have a calling which exists only for you and which only you can fulfill.'
Visionaries from all times and ages have been strengthened by listening to their inner wisdom as they followed their unique spiritual journeys. This time is about each individual learning to turn inward to listen to their Highest Self so that they can live in full consciousness and integrity to work for healing of our planet.
Understanding our self limiting beliefs about being unworthy of being loved and finding our true spiritual selves are the keys to release from pain and suffering. We can learn to find our spiritual nature, which is essentially loving to combat those feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness. The Quakers as well as many other religious traditions have the concept of "centering down" or having an 'inner meeting of one' by communing directly with the God who lives within. The process of following your vision starts with developing a loving relationship with yourself. It is to turn away from the voices of fear and remember that you are LOVE.
To do so, we must learn to tune into that "small, quiet voice within² which calls us. This is the voice that has been echoed in the sacred literature of the world. It is the voice that bids us to be who we were meant to be, pulling us forward through dreams, hunches and intuition to provide information about ourselves. It gives us the key to living from the part of us that hold the most integrity. Learning to use this voice, commonly called our Inner Wisdom or Higher Power, on a daily basis is the most important thing we can do in recovering from the hold of material objects and harmful addictions.
Steps to Develop Your Inner Teacher
Your Inner Teacher takes the place of outside authority and guidance as you listen to your conscience and receive guidance. The Bible tells us, "Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." Developing your intuition can become a daily act that will transform your life. Meditate upon your concern. At first ask questions of your Inner Wisdom that can be answered in the "yes" or "no" format. Listen quietly to the messages that you receive. The voice may be hesitant at first or it may come only part of the time. Pose open-ended questions several ways such as "May I do.....? " or "Shall I .....?" One formula to use is "Is it in my best and most perfect good for me to....?" or "Is it in my highest and best interests to....?" Watch your wording. Your Inner Guidance will take the question literally. Ask for the clearest message that you need for guidance on the specific concern at hand. Sometimes a quiet question will suffice. "What would you have me do?"
Once you master accessing the Inner Wisdom, you can use it to gain answers to take on any specific matter. Asking for wisdom with the proper intent can be helpful in clearing the fears that are present. Your intent in seeking inner guidance should be to know your innermost loving self. Ask to have any fear or selfish ego thinking set aside so that you may truly know what is right for you. The Inner Wisdom's purpose is guidance, not to be a fortuneteller. Do not try to use it for amassing personal gain, but only to guide you on your spiritual path. Don't ask for information of the stock market or where to drill for oil. It is best to make contact with the Inner Voice with the goals of letting go of ego attachments and developing humility.
Clarity and Discernment
Your truth is known when all parts of yourself are comfortable with what has been revealed. This is that "small, still voice within" that resounds with recognition. Your truth is that knowledge that brings tears of recognition to your eyes and gives a resounding "Yes!" in your heart. According to Gandhi, "Truth is what the voice inside tells you." The knowledge may come through as a voice, as a knowing or as a visual experience. Once you learn to access your Inner Wisdom, there is no question to which you cannot gain the answer.
Discernment is absolutely necessary in recognizing the one true voice from other voices that you may hear. The Inner Wisdom voice is not the voice of your parents or other authorities in society. It is not a guilt-driven "should, must, have to or ought to." The true voice has a different vibration and shifts you out of the fear, guilt and obligation to knowing what is right for you based on love. It is the quietness of knowing that comes through, causing a release of body tension. It is the "Aha!" and the deep knowing behind the message by discerning what is right for you. It is profound and at the same time extremely light. Some call it "the truth that feels like you." The answer of truth will feel 'right'--it will feel satisfying and peaceful.
When there is conflict, still your mind and ask, "What is it that I really need to know? What is in my best interests about this matter?" You can choose to laugh at the tug of war that sometimes goes on between your conscious mind and your Inner Wisdom. The difference is that the conscious mind may be caught in fear and addictions whereas being connected to the greater Intelligence of the universe; the Inner Wisdom comes from love and the yearning to be whole. A Course in Miracles tells us that there are two basic emotions--love and fear. Love and fear are opposing emotions that cannot occur at the same time--where love is fear cannot be and vice versa. When you turn to the loving aspect of your Inner Wisdom, you bypass the fear.
There are some strong considerations to be followed when you contact and use the Inner Voice. Continue to check to insure that the messages you get are consistent with your sense of your highest self. People who use the Inner Voice should be aware that continually checking is necessary to determine whether the information is of the highest level and purity.
Once you learn to recognize the strength and power of your Inner Wisdom, you will better understand how the discernment process of sorting out the true from the false voice. The determination of its authencity then becomes how well it works for you. As the Bible reminds us "What are the fruits of the labor?" If the fruits are beautiful and abundant, the voice is in alignment with everything that is truth for you. The ultimate test of truth, according to Gandhi, is the refusal to do harm to yourself or another individual.
Daily practice and hindsight vision will convince you of the accuracy of the answers that comes through when you tune inward. Check the results of your decisions when you have followed the advice of the Inner Voice. Keep track of the wisdom and changes that it brings into your life. As your confidence builds, you will find yourself turning to your inner guidance more and more for important decisions. Your conscious mind will become more in tune with the inner self so that you need not ask on small matters. Your intuition will develop more so that decisions are made with conscious mind and Inner Wisdom working together. You will experience less conflict in your life as you have a means of always knowing what is right and correct for you.
As you learn to recognize the genuine authority of your Inner Wisdom, you will realize the power that you hold is within your own being. Daily practice seeking your own truth instead of relying on others helps validate the guidance that you are being given. Trust in the process of seeking within grows as a tenure of your experience. Once you are certain of the validation of the voice that you hear as being consistent for your growth and well being, the process becomes an automatic part of your spiritual practice.
Your Inner Wisdom will lead you to places that you do not want to go, as it will send you to places where you will challenge your fear. It will tell you things about your integrity that you may not want to hear. If you need to leave an unhealthy situation but stay because of fear, you will be shown the way. The Inner Wisdom will be there for you if you turn to it daily for guidance.
Peace and joy,
Lynne Namka
Licensed Psychologist,

'I slept and dreamt that life was joy,
I awoke and saw that life was service,
I acted and behold, service was joy.'
Rabindranath Tagore

Back to the Angries Out Center
Talk, Trust And Feel Catalog