Books & Curriculums
on Healthy Feelings!
Talk, Trust & Feel
Therapeutics

Dr. Lynne Namka
Licensed Psychologist
www.AngriesOut.com

 

Parents are Angry and Frustrated by the Economy Slowdown 

New Book to Help Children Deal with Parents' Conflict

 

 

Today's children are more in touch with angry feelings, but don't know how to release them safely.

They feel helpless when overhearing family arguments and internalize anger. Children need skills to deal with parents' frustration and arguments which are more frequent during this poor economy. Developing life skills such as talking about feelings and using self-regulatory skills of anger management is necessary for good self-esteem.

Parents Fight, Parents Make Up: Take Good Care of Yourself is the only book that teaches children how to:

  • … take care of themselves when grownups argue.
  • …decrease confusion that adult fighting is their fault.
  • …decrease irrational fears of parents divorcing when they argue.
  • …use Helper Words to calm down.
  • …decrease their own anger and unhappy feelings.
  • …break into anger that is a theme passed down in families 

Excerpt from the Book

"Bang! Justin slammed the door scowling as he headed out. He wanted to get far, far away from the voices of his mom and dad which were getting louder and louder. He wished he could get in a time capsule and go at warp speed on a search and destroy mission.

Bad news. There was no time capsule to whisk Justin far, far away to a distant planet so he headed for his grandmother's house. Mom hadn't been in her happy place for a week now and had grounded him from his video games. Dad had been super cross lately. When things started going down at his house Justin went over to his grandma's house.

Grandma looked at Justin's long face. "What's wrong? You look bummed out. Are you having one of those sad, mad, bad kind of days? Grandma had been a counselor and knew about feelings. "Hmmm. Looks pretty serious," said Grandma. "I bet it's those parents of yours. Did they have another fight? What are we going to do with them?"

"Yeah, it's nuclear this time," said Justin.

"Most families fight," said Grandma. "Some fight with words. Some with their hands. When people fight, everyone feels bad inside. Let's see what we can do to let those feelings go. Do you want to play guess the feelings?"

Justin always wanted Grandma to guess. It was more fun when she did the guessing. She guessed, "Are you furious?" Justin shook his head no. "Ashamed? Bored? Snarky?"

"No. No. No, not those feelings."

"I bet you are feeling sad. You've got a case of the sads today. So go ahead and call that sad feeling out by its name," said Grandma.

Justin nodded and said, "Sad. Mom turns into the Wicked Witch of the West and gives Dad the death look. Then he turns into the Green Hulk and starts yelling. I feel sad."

"What else? Feelings usually hang out together. They stack up on top of each other. Look further and see what other feelings are hiding under the sads."

He thought and thought. "Yucky."

"Bingo! You named it. Yucky feelings are the "bads." They like to hide somewhere in your body. Find where they're hiding."

Justin looked to find the feelings. It took a while because feelings are really good at hiding out. He thought about why he was sad and his chest started to get tight and tense. He said, "I found them. They are buried in my chest and throat."

Grandma beamed at him. "You are so good at finding your feelings. Call them out, feel them for a minute. Feelings come and go. Coming up and going away is their job. Bad feelings always want to move out."

Grandma talks to Justin about his dad's anger that started as a young boy dealing with an angry father himself and then goes on to help Justin learn five things to do to release his bad feelings after witnessing his parents' argument.

Review

"Thank you for the privilege of receiving your work on family violence. You are truly dynamic in your ability to integrate traditionally opposing viewpoints, approach offenders with a balance of compassion and accountability and clarify the complex patterns of thinking and behavior that contribute to aggression. You're no less than transformed my practice!"

-- Deena Stewart Mitzke, MA,
USAC Counselor and Clinical Director of Domestic Violence Program

 

"In this helpful book for older elementary and middle school aged kids we follow Justin who goes to his grandmother’s house when his parents are fighting. Grandmother, a retired counselor, helps Justin to see how he can take care of himself when his parents (or others) are fighting. She has suggestions both for kids and adults about what is “Okay about Feelings.” I wish that I had read this book 50 years ago when my parents were constantly fighting. Maybe it wouldn’t have taken me until I was in my 40’s before I understood about feeling my feelings and how to let go of the bad ones".

-- Lorna Minewiser, PhD is a life coach specializing in Energy Psychology. She is a retired counselor who has worked with Single Parents, Displaced Homemakers and college students. She teaches Emotional Freedom Techniques (Tapping) classes and mentors EFT Practitioners.

 

 

Parents Fight. Parents Make Up:  Take Good Care of Yourself  $9.95

TwosomeQuick Anger Make Over & Parents Fight Parents Make Up     $25.95

 
Times are tough and this cause more conflict in homes. The poor economy is causing more family to experience stress and parents are fighting more with each other. More verbal and physical abuse is being reported by abuse centers for women and children.

My book Parents Fight. Parents Make Up: Take Good Care of Yourself is unique in that it addresses a common problem not spoken about by other experts. My small book teaches children that they are not the cause of their parents' arguments and gives them five different techniques to deal with their overwhelming negative feelings and resulting low self-esteem.

New research reveals why some children are badly hurt by negative family conflicts while other children survive without significant problems. Parent's disagreements include; hostile relationships between parents, poor parenting practices, negative parent-child relationships and maternal depression.

If their parents' fighting led to a child feeling threatened, or fearful that the family would split up, the child was more likely to experience emotional problems, such as depression. Researcher Gordon Harold said: "Children exposed to everyday conflicts between their parents -- conflicts that are non-violent, but frequent, intense and poorly resolved -- are at elevated risk for mental health problems, even when we consider poor parenting practices or genetic susceptibility factors passed on from parents to children, in explaining the effects of hostile relationships on children…. Children may not actually be responsible for their parents' relationship problems; they simply need to feel or perceive that they are responsible in order to experience negative psychological outcomes."

Girls may be a higher risk for depression when their parent's relationship is hostile or there is a negative mother-child relationship. Depressive symptoms displayed by daughters resulted in increases in parent-to-child hostility from both mothers and fathers. Sadly children whose parents fight grow up to fight with their spouses or choose abusive partners.

You can help with this serious problem by getting the word out to those people in your address book who might be interested such as counselors, teachers, librarians and therapists who might purchase my book. Reviewers for the media (newspapers, TV, newsletters, blogs, web sites for parents, etc.) are also needed to publicize the book. I can do phone interviews with any radio talk show host or reporters. My contact information is 520-825-4766 or lnamka158@earthlink.net.

I need your help to sell the 1050 of Parents Fight. Parents Make Up: Take Good Care of Yourself. My husband and I volunteer our time to fulfill my mission of providing low-cost or free information to people about good mental health practices.

Special offer! What would help is if you would buy two or more of my book to give to your friends and family or school or local library or domestic violence center. Two books are available from me for $15.45 which includes the $6.50 shipping and handling. Three books are available ppd. for $18.45. The book is not on amazon.com and is available only from me.

Send a check and brief note as to what you want to Talk, Trust & Feel, 5398 Golder Ranch Road, Tucson, AZ 85739. Please order some books and help out the good cause of working for peace by helping hurting children understand and use their emotions in socially-appropriate ways.

"If we want peace in the world, we will have to begin with the children."

Gandhi

 



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