Parents Get Mad Too!
Things to do instead of blowing your top and yelling at your kid
- Remember, anger as an emotion is normal human behavior. As a response, you
have choices. Choose from the productive expressions of anger. Tell yourself ... "It's OK
to be angry. I choose to use my anger constructively." Anger can be a signal that
something in your life needs changing. When your personal resources are exhausted, you
are more likely to be angry. Plan alternative fun things for your child to do when you
are fatigued or ill.
- Check your own stomach, fists, and jaw. Observe how your body starts to tense up
and react automatically when you feel threat. Know whn you are mad! Analyze your
ownpatterns of responding to anger; know what your typical anger response is. Watch
yourself as the heat starts to rise. Observing yourself may help break into your regular
anger response. Break into your regular response pattern. Remember to breathe.
- Bite your tongue when the angry words start to arise. Gently, of course, to remind
yourself to inhibit your angry verbal or striking-out response.
- Breathe deeply, then state your anger in a firm voice, "I feel angry, when you____."
Make this formula a habit in your family by your using it often. If you have problems
saying it, practice on the dog or the mirror at first.
- Distract yourself for a short time before going into problem solving by:
- Reciting the days of the week, months of the year or counting to ten in a foreign
language.
- Phone Dial a Joke, The Weather, the Daily Prayer or Time.
- Take a walk or weed the garden
- Displace your anger by cleaning the house. Vacuum while you cool down.
- Do a self-soothing exercise. Massage your arms and neck. Hug yourself. Take a
warm bath. Smell a flower. Pet an animal. Hug a Teddy bear. As the National
Committee for Prevention of Child Abuse says, "Take time out. Dont take it out on
your kid!" Know it's okay to be angry.
- Bypass a negative anger reaction by going directly into problem solving. Don't try
to fix blame. Determine what is needed to correct the situation. Contribute to the
solution, not the problem.
- Call Parents Anonymous or a sympathetic friend. Make sure your child realizes
you are reaching out for help in anger reduction not calling someone to blame him or
her.
- If you continue to get angry at your child, seek professional help or take a parent
training group. Whatever the cost, it is a bargain in providing stress reduction in your
household. Short term therapy often offers techniques to insure good mental health for
you and your child. The amount of money and time you use in learning practical tools
of communication and discipline are an investment in your child's future.
This information is from the book, The Mad Family Gets Their Mads Out ($9.95
+$3 s&h from Talk, Trust and Feel Therapeutics * 1120 Buchanan Avenue * Charleston, IL 61920 * 217-345-2982)).
Text and illustrations are copyright 1995 Lynne Namka.
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