Aggression is a human trait; it has been necessary for our survival as a species. Aggression is innate, but it is also learned. We live in a country where violence is becoming a way of life. Children learn aggression through watching someone else engage in it. They choose acts of injustice after they perceive that they live in an unjust world and that intimidation works. Here are some forces that help create a child who identifies with aggression.

l. Family Violence:

The Drama Triangle, described by Claude Steiner and Stephan Karpman, is a well-accepted concept in family systems theory that stresses looking at the roles and needs of every person in the system. The three sides of the triangle represent the dysfunctional family with the aggressor on one side, the victim on another and the rescuer on the third. The rescuer can be divided into two different aspects:
(a) The negative part encourages the aggressor either by not acting or by enabling them.
(b) The positive part that tries to get help for the members of the family.

Children in a dysfunctional family, school or neighborhood setting learns to internalize the behavior of all three sides of the triangle. Indeed, all of us have these three components in us to some degree: the angry aggressor or perpetrator, the one who has been hurt by others and the part of us that looks the other way when we witness negative behavior because we do not know how to stop them. With some training and understanding we can move to the healthy part of us that tries to gain resources to help the system.

The way out of emotional pain from family dysfunction is through education. We can learn to observe when we shift into the three roles and learning different ways to act. Carl Jung said that what we do not make conscious in our life comes around to us as fate. Children learn aggression by observing that it works in a short term, convoluted way.

Gerald Patterson's Coercion Model of Aggression says that parents who lack parenting skills unwittingly train their children to be noncompliant and act in antisocial ways. His research shows that poor parental discipline skills and coercive management practices cause escalation of child-parent conflict and increase children's aggression toward others. The child and parents elicit negative behavior from each other. There is lack of choice in the coercive familythere is one message "Do what the most powerful member of the family dictates." Children feel helpless and sense the lack of justice. Children are traumatized living in a war zone under conditions of threat in these families. They learn coping styles of coercion, submission and enabling in an attempt to keep themselves safe.

Violence and abuse within a family take place when the dominant person abuses his or her power. Typically this abuse of power is by a male who has to prove himself by acting in macho ways and rationalizing this behavior as his "right." The habitual use of alcohol aggravates this pattern. Denial of how the dominant person hurts other family members by his behavior is rampant in dysfunctional families.

Children observe the parental interactions and identify with both the dominant and the submissive parent in the system. They internalize these actions of both parents and carry them out in other settings. By identifying with the victim in the family, they learn fear, weakness and helplessness. That is why aggressive children are often a pushover for someone tougher than themselves. They go to any length to hide these feelings of weakness from others and from themselves.
When parents are focused on addictions and out-of-control needs, their child's early dependency needs are not met. The child whose needs were not met by his parents feels the lack inside. He feels "owed" on an unconscious level. He focuses on issues of "It's not fair." because unconsciously he felt what happened to him was not fair. And, in a sense, he was "owed" because he missed out on basic nurturing and love. In later years the child goes through life trying to get others to make up for what his parents did not provide. He has limited skills and tools to interact with people. Since he cannot gain acceptance and friendships from others, he learns to substitute irrational anger, cruelty to others, addictive substances, workaholic behavior or material objects to fill his neediness.

The child raised in an angry family reacts to perceived small injustices in daily life. He may do this outwardly or keep it in silence creating depression. He may become demanding to make up for the injustice he perceives. In effect, the child who has been traumatized is saying to other people, "You owe me. Pay up!" He can't get what he wants from his parents so he tries to get it from other people. Symbolically, continual anger can be a covert statement to his parents, "It is not fair. Give me my basic needs. Pay attention to me or I will hurt someone."

People who are revengeful generally have a belief of entitlement of "I have a right to be angry and get back at the person. I have a right to hold on to my anger even though it hurts me." As the old proverb says, angry children seem to cut of their nose to spite their face. Grudges seem to run in families with some individuals feeling pride about staying angry and being hard headed.

A five-year-old boy who had been removed from his parents due to physical and sexual abuse came into our hospital program for children with severe behavior and emotional problems. He had severe acting out, aggressive behaviors toward the neighborhood children and animals. He emulated the taunting, harassment and intimidation behavior of his father to get what he wanted. In situations of threat, he cowered in fear, becoming the submissive victim like his mother. As he grew in his understanding of himself and his anger, we observed a healthier part of him that emerged. He encouraged the new children in the program to talk about their angry feelings and became like a junior staff member in group therapy. He had internalized the role of a peer counselor by observing the teachers in our school. He no longer needed to be a helpless victim or aggressive and intimidating of others. On graduation from our program, he required a school setting and a foster home that would strengthen the gains that he made to think of himself as a caring, responsible boy.

2. Peer Violence:

A study of 400 children in Great Britain showed that those who had been bullied were affected because they did not know how to respond to harassment. The author concluded that children do not know how to deal with extreme peer exclusion. Teachers are overworked and do not see the subtle bullying that goes on daily.

The angry child perceives threat in situations that are unclear and unjust. He can retaliate with impulsive anger thus distancing his classmates. He distorts what he sees and perceives injustice in small things that others would overlook. Peers' hostile comments only convince him that his beliefs of threat are valid. He ends up being rejected and isolated from his peers. Cut off from friends who can provide positive models of behavior, he feels lonely and discouraged. He feels the world is against him. Again his choices become limited. His cycle of perceptual distortions and aggressive behavior continues.

Children who adopt a macho style to foster a false self-identity are usually highly judgmental seeing things as black and white. They judge others according to standards of toughness and macho behavior. They cannot tolerate differences in other people according to narrow views of life. They act tough to avoid the feelings of shame inside for being weak. They avoid being seen as helpless and keep an illusion that they are in control by acting tough. They fear being called a wimp and try to measure up in the manly category so the tough people they seek to emulate will not reject them. Their identity becomes caught up in the old kid's game of King of the Mountain. They keep the illusion of being in charge by the self-message of "Be big and tough and ready to take anyone on to show how tough you are." They often have a chip-on-the-shoulder attitude and dare others to push them into aggression. They learn that intimidation of others can be reinforcing because it gives them a feeling of power. Rigidity of thinking, judgmental beliefs and the need to feel superior are the basis for prejudice and bigotry.

Cruelty to others and the need to act hard and tough are defense mechanisms against feeling vulnerable. Children who harm others fear being hurt and exposed for their own weakness. They go to any lengths to avoid letting others see how frightened they are and feel unsafe if they let their guard down so that others can see their vulnerability. The child who acts tough begins to feel superior as a defense against feeling the bad feelings. He rationalizes hurting others in his need to feel superior. At times the angry child may elicit a violent response from a punishing adult as a way of keeping the punishment under his control. His ability to evoke a negative reaction from an authority figure keeps him believing that he is in control even though there may be serious consequences to his actions.

Pride in being tougher than others can keep the child caught in a cycle of shame, egotism and misbehavior. Acting out becomes an unconscious way to escape the terrible feelings of shame inside. Other shame-based defenses of angry children include denial, silence, intellectualization and distancing from the problem by placing the blame on someone else.

Impulse Control Problems: Children with attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity often have difficulty inhibiting their teasing behavior that later develops into aggressive behavior. Some children do not learn skills of social interaction naturally due to a neurological impairment. The rigidity of thinking associated with neurological impairment causes the child to become locked into negative coping patterns of dealing with stressful situations that bring him more stress. Some of these children have problems of anger. Unable to control their actions, they become the target for negative attention from others and their self-esteem plummets. They often have deficits in thinking such as interpreting the social cues of a situation and cause-effect reasoning. Other children learn to avoid those with impulse control problems and they often end up being rejected. As the children of crack addicted parents who are born with neurological impairment, the schools will have more children with impulse control and learning problems to deal with.

Type T Individuals: Another kind of child who is attracted to aggression is the Type T child. Type T is a personality trait that results in thrill seeking. Type T's are not a diagnostic category, but describe an inner need of the under aroused individual who then seeks excitement to feel the rush.

Individuals who have a central nervous system that enjoys being revved up and feeds on dangerous activities are Type T's as described by psychologist Frank Farrell. Type T children have under-aroused heart rates, sweat glands, and skin temperatures. Their physiological systems are slower to respond to external stimulation and they require high excitement and risk to feel stimulated. They look for novelty, uncertainty, high risk, variety, complexity, high intensity and conflict. The research shows that they get a bigger rush from nicotine than other children.

Type T children seek activities that increase their adrenalin. They enjoy going fast on bicycles over ramps, jumping off of high places and engaging in dangerous sports. They seem to have little fear of physical harm and are unaware of the danger in which they place themselves. They spend more time on the street and tend to get in trouble. Some can even get a rush out of their acts of hurting others.

Properly channeled, Type T individuals have a lot to contribute to society because they are risk takers who enjoy challenges. Indiana Jones is a prime example of a good guy, Type T action-seeking individual. Schools are starting to address the Type T needs by offering Adventure Sports classes that teach rock climbing, skiing, snow boarding and rappelling.

When Type T individuals carry a large amount of anger, they engage in activities that are harmful to others but are exciting and reinforcing to themselves. Children who bring guns to school may fall into this category. Children with Conduct Disorders may fall into this category. Bonnie and Clyde, popularized by the motion picture, are examples of antisocial Type T individuals who lacked the skill of respecting others and their property then gained a national reputation as counter culture heroes.

Identify and Help Those Children Who Exhibit Warning Signs of Being in Need: Recognize the children whose behavior suggests that they are troubled so they can be supported before the trauma builds up. The National Crime Prevention Council report on Stopping School Violence gives symptoms of children in need of intervention. This web site can be reached at www.ncpc.org/2schvio.htm . The more of these symptoms the child displays, the greater the chance that the child needs help. These signs say the child is crying for help. They show a preoccupation with injustice, and an obsession with violence, to get make the grievance and pain go away. They advise parents to know these signs that indicate kids are troubled:

_ Lack of interest in school.


_ Absence of age-appropriate anger control skills.


_ Seeing themselves as the victims.


_ Persistent disregard for or refusal to follow the rules.


_ Cruelty to pets or other animals.


_ History of bullying.


_ Artwork or writing that bleak or violent or that depicts isolation or anger.


_ Talking constantly about weapons or violence.


_ Obsessions with things like violent games, movies and TV shows.


_ Depression or mood swings.


_ Talking about or bringing a weapon (any weapon) to school.


_ Misplaced or unwarranted jealously.


_ Involvement with or interest in gangs.


_ Self-isolation from family and friends.

Conduct Disorders: This diagnostic category includes the type of student persistently engages in behavior that violates the rights of others. They lack a conscience, a sense of guilt or remorse. They are aggressive and have little concern for the feelings and wishes of their peers. They may be cruel to others or to animals and have no respect for the property of others. They project an image of being touch, although their self-esteem is low. They may have poor frustration tolerance, temper outbursts, irritability and an inability to see how their behavior is the cause of their problems. They engage in fighting, stealing, destruction of property, shoplifting, sexual force, and use weapons to get what they want.

Oppositional Defiant Disorders: Also, a diagnostic category, this is a pattern of angry, argumentative, spiteful behavior without the pattern of hurting others. These children are negativistic and defy adult authority. They are irritable, touchy, lose their temper easily and swear. They can be vindictive toward those people they perceive as out to get them. They cannot take responsibility for their misbehavior and blame others for their wrongdoings. They justify their negative actions as a reaction to circumstances that were not fair to them. Children with this diagnosis do have a conscience and can be taught social skills to release the hurt feelings under their defiance and control their anger.

Gang Behavior: Gangs are groups of people who collectively engage in bully behavior. Children with Conduct Disorders, Oppositional Defiance Disorders and those who seek thrills may gravitate toward gangs. Gang members are often angry individuals who seek novel, dangerous activities through law breaking and intimidation of others. Children who start early in life to hurt others and then are rejected by their peers are most likely to seek out gangs.

They have poor self-esteem seek to find an identity in being a gang member. The older gang leaders teach younger members of gangs' new ways of intimidation and extortion. The aggressive behavior is highly reinforced by peers' submissiveness. The sense of exaggerated pride, injustice, and feeling entitled to use and hurt others becomes set. Violent behavior is rationalized as a "right."

Here are the words of Pablo, a former gang member as reported in the El Paso Times, discussing ways to reduce drug use and gang violence:

"There is too much orgullo (pride) among gang members. That orgullo gets in the way of young people trying to go straight. Orgullo makes you want to be tougher than the next guy. Orgullo can be a very positive thing, but it can also help destroy young people. Negative orgullo creates problems.... The best way to improve the situation is for those who care to get completely involved in a gang member's life. That means hanging out with them and getting into the heart of them. A gang member may be abused by his dad or he may have a single-parent mother. He may be hurting, but he'll never tell what's hurting him. He'll never say what truly in his heart. Instead, he'll pretend that everything's cool and all he wants is to do is party with his homies."

3. Society Values:

We live in a culture of aggression. There is a preoccupation with the dominator model where children learn that intimidation and aggression toward others is not only acceptable but also desirable. Negative attitudes, values and behaviors are celebrated. Our media often glorifies violence and children are presented with countless acts of simulated and actual aggression each day. Rap music that features hate and violence affects children who take on these values. Enimen, who reportedly was bullied as a child and spent five days in a coma after a beating, now gives hate messages. Video games that are based on the same technology that trains our military to kill pass the value of lack of respect for human life on to the young people.

Without social positive skills, children grow up learning to use manipulation, addictive behavior and violence as a way to cope with stress. They become locked into negative coping patterns of dealing with situations that threaten them and bring them more stress. Children who experience a great deal of stress due to family chaos or neurological impairment often feel like their lives are out of control.

The most common patterns of coping with threat and stress in unhealthy environments are anger, blaming the other person, submissiveness, distractible, hyperactive behavior or withdrawing and ignoring the problem. These coping patterns are passed down from parent to child resulting in generations of dysfunctional behavior. Coping styles that were learned as children to keep the family isolated and safe do not work in adult life. To continue to live these rules as an adult is to continue to live in considerable pain.

Resources: Organizations, Centers, Books and Lists of Other School Safety Web Sites

For a list of books on school violence solutions, see: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1929749007/
qid%3D985752086/104-7640611-9528762

Colorado Parent Information and Resource Center: http://www.cpirc.org/tips/schoolviolence.htm

Educators for Social Responsibility: http://www.esrnational.org/

Conflict Resolution Education Network: http://www.crenet.org/

National School Safety Center Resources for Reporters: http://nssc1.org/index.htm

School Violence Explained: Table of Contents

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