Sigmund Freud said, "The ego expels whatever within itself becomes a source of displeasure." A defense mechanism is a habitual behavior that distorts reality to suppress thoughts and emotions that might bring up ego threat. Defense mechanisms function in life to help us deal with stress. However, the keep people from being real and living life to the fullest.

Repression is a defense mechanism first described by Sigmund Freud as a way that people keep unpleasant memories out of their consciousness. Repression is a compensatory style that deals with threat and stress by blocking unpleasant emotional experiences that might bring up anxiety, distress and vulnerability. Being split off from feelings is called alexithymia. Repressors seen to have a chronic, inaccessible filter that keeps them from experiencing the world through their emotions. They feel attacked and distance and isolate from others when they are stressed. They avoid talking about and rehashing unpleasant experiences as this adds to their stress. They become inaccessible to others when they feel the problem has been solved by their solution of dismissing it. They are conflict avoidant and cannot tolerate working things out to the satisfaction of their partner. They often deny that there is a problem and have a lack of insight about how their distancing bothers others.

Repressors do have the ability to feel and express anger. Anger is a substitute emotion for the hurt and disappointment they might feel. Anger takes them out of the emotional flat line and becomes their dominant emotions. They are stressed by having to deal with others on an emotional level and change the subject or evade the issue to keep people who are upset from bothering them. On the positive side, Repressors are often less neurotic than those who express their feelings easier. They can see events objectively without emotions clouding up the issue. They tend to be more aggressive and have a higher belief in themselves.

Repressors remember fewer negative experiences from childhood. By minimizing the unhappy events, they distort reality and can even believe they had a happy childhood when they did not. The research literature suggests that they protect themselves from discomfort by superficially taking in negative events. They spend less time processing unpleasant new events and have the ability to dismiss them. This defense allows them to experience unpleasant emotions less frequently than emotional intense people.

They do not form associations between negative experiences and internal arousal such as anxiety. They need repeated trials to link a negative experience with negative emotions. The assumption in the research literature is that repressors have a lack of emotional links in the brain that tie negative emotions to experiences.

People who repress their feelings view themselves as "thinkers" and proudly use their intellect to process information. Talking and problem solving take preference over feelings. They can be highly analytical like Dr. Spock of the Starship Enterprise. They often intellectualize which is trying to explain emotionally painful feelings through thought. Sometimes they feel superior over people who are more emotional and dismiss this style of dealing with stress. They just don't "get" feelings and talking things out!

Since they do not process their own emotions, they don't have a clue when it comes to understanding emotions in others. They do the worst with partners who are highly emotional and insist on sharing feelings and who try to make the Repressor responsible for their anxiety that remains when there is no clear-cut solution to the problem. They do best in relationships with a partner who leaves them alone and who do not insist on their engaging in continual emotional discussion. They do best of all with a partner who does not need closure on problems and has the ability to sweep conflict under the rug. However, that rarely happens as the type of partners they choose are in touch with their feelings and become angry when they are not available for problem solving.

Understand

Like a waterfall,
My face has no expression.
Sometimes it feels like I am being choked by a tie,
A star has no sound but a note,
It sounds so awkward, like an upside down pyramid,
Or maybe a spoon dropping on the floor,
Soft as a ballet shoe,
Loud as a duck,
Not always an X that marks the spot,
It all forms a map,
With no picture,
But understandable.

Teen poet, Danny Watson, winner of the Parade Magazine poetry contest.

School Violence Explained: Table of Contents

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