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Talk, Trust & Feel

Dr. Lynne Namka
Licensed Psychologist


Peace Building Skills

(Bully Behavior - part 1)
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © 1996

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So you say you want a happier life?
You want things to go smoother for you?
You are angry and upset and don't know what to do about it?
Here's the scoop--learn peace building skills!
Learn exciting techniques to bring happiness into your life!


Let's Learn About Bully Behavior

There is a Ruff Tuff Part of each one of us, who represents our Bully Behavior Part. This part can be hurtful to others. Bully Behavior is acting in a mean way towards someone smaller or weaker. Bully Behavior are things that you do or say to hurt others. Examples of Bully Behavior are teasing to hurt someone, trying to frighten or control someone or intimidating someone to do something that they do not want to do. Calling someone a bully is Bully Behavior!

Why do we hurt others? Bully Behavior is learned. People who need to bully have usually been hurt or teased by others and they pass this behavior on. Other reasons are for attention and not knowing how to play in appropriate ways. Some people do Bully Behavior when they are angry and throw their angry feelings out on others.

Often the person who does Bully Behavior feels unwanted, unloved and insecure. The person who hurts others through his words and actions may feel good about making another person feel bad. He may feel powerful for a short time when he teases or hurts someone else. Later he may feel guilty and ashamed of what he did or he may justify his behavior by thinking that the other person deserved it.

Some people who need to hurt others secretly feel bad inside. They are so afraid of being seen as weak that they act tough. They are even afraid to let themselves know about it. Their insides and outsides do not match. They are unhappy on the inside and act tough on the outside. They are like a toasted marshmallow--tough on the outside but squishy and soft on the inside. Deep inside there is a core of bad feelings so hidden away that they can't even know about it. It's helpful to know about this part of ourself, then we can make good choices.

Helper Words to Help Me Stop My Bully Behavior:

  • I watch myself to listen for name calling and blaming words.
  • I stop my self from turning up my own heat with bully words.
  • I can feel good about stopping my own Bully Behavior
  • I can be responsible for everything I say and do.
  • I feel good about being a responsible person!
  • I take a chill pill when I am upset.
  • I treat others the way I want to be treated.
  • I stop my Bully Behavior.
  • I feel good about treating others with respect.


How do you define peace? Other boys and girls, and men and women described peace this way:
  • Peace is people talking together with a heart in between them. Child, age 8.
  • To have peace, teach peace to learn it. Course In Miracles
  • There is no way to peace. Peace is the way. A. J. Muste
  • Peace is in the air everybody can have it nobody can steal it we all can share it in the world. Peace is a special thought or a special love or light or spark that we all share within ourselves. If there way peace there would be no wars or fights just a special love all over the world. Joel, age 11.
  • Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me. popular song
Why do you think peace is necessary? How would our world be different if everyone practiced peace?

What advice would you give to grownups to get them to live peacefully?

Think of great men and women in their own quest for personal and world peace. Who are your heros that are peacemakers? How is our world different because these people stood up to speak out for peace. What have you done to bring a small or big amount of peace to your home or school?

Activity: Making an Enemy Your Friend: A senator once told President Lincoln that he should get rid of his enemies by destroying them. Lincoln said, I agree with you sir, and the best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend. Have you ever befriended anyone who seemed like an enemy and turned him into a friend?

President Lincoln also said, We are about as happy as we allow ourselves to be. This sentence could have been, We are about as peaceful as we allow ourselves to be. Peace and being happy generally go together.

If every single person in the world did one small thing each day to build peace, our world would be changed. What would you like to change in the world? What could you do to bring peace? Draw a picture of you and your peace plan.

Questions I Can Ask My Self
When I Feel Threatened by Someone:

  • Remember I have choices.
  • What are my choices?
  • Stop and think. What do I need to do right now?
  • I can practice Bully Behavior or peace behavior.
  • How can I practice peace right now?
  • What can I do to feel good about making the choice for peace in this situation?
Hint: Breathing five times for peace helps you get you calm so you can think of what to do.



My first step in building peace today is




Breath Works!

You can deep breathe when you are scared. Breathing when you are frightened gives you more oxygen in your body. Breathe for peace when you feel stressed or threatened. Take five deep breaths for peace..

Fears are not necessarily bad. A reasonable dose of fear helps keep us away from things that might hurt us. Keeping ourselves caught in fear thoughts makes us feel yucky and horrible inside.

What fear would you like to catch and let go? What exciting way could you catch a fear thought? What would you use to capture your fear--a butterfly net, a Super Glue trap or Velcro? Where would you like to store or throw away your fear thoughts?

Fear sometimes gets smaller when you talk about it. Talk about your fear with safe people. Write a story about your fear. Draw a picture about it. Tear the picture in pieces and wad them up. Toss the pieces of the fear into the waste basket. Send your fear to the dumpster.

Helper Words

I breathe five times for peace.
I breathe when someone threatens me.
When I feel frightened, I breathe long, deep breaths for peace.
Deep breathing puts me in control.
I'm in charge of what I do.
Breathing for peace helps me figure out what to do next.
I can make changes in my own behavior to add to peace.
I choose to practice peace!
I am a peace maker!
The first person I bring peace to is myself.
I work for peace in the world.
Human beings and all other living things should be treated with respect!

More on "Bully Behavior"
Back to the Angries Out Center


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Lynne Namka