Books & Curriculums
on Healthy Feelings!
Talk, Trust & Feel
Therapeutics

Dr. Lynne Namka
Licensed Psychologist
www.AngriesOut.com

 

Sorry I hurt you

Taking responsibility and saying that you are sorry about something you did wrong is one way you can let go of guilt. Guilt says, "I did something wrong and so now I have to feel bad." There are two kinds of guilt.

Helpful Guilt

Guilt is an emotion that comes from the conscience when you have done something you know is wrong. Guilt works to nag you so that you won't do harmful things again. Guilt helps you look at your behavior and say, "What I did was wrong for me and it hurt someone else. I won't do that again." This is helpful guilt--it gets you to change something that you are doing that doesn't fit for you.

 

Extra Guilt

There is another kind of heaped-on-guilt that is not helpful. This is extra guilt where you feel like you are at fault even when you know that you didn't do anything wrong. This guilt is NOT productive. It just hangs around like a bad habit bugging you and making you feel rotten. Separate out your extra guilt from your helpful guilt.

Use this imagery to let the bad kind of guilt go. Close your eyes and picture yourself going deep inside your body and collecting all the unnecessary guilt and putting it in a bag. Then picture yourself sending it to the moon, the center of the earth or anywhere safe where it will be neutralized. Breathe deeply and picture your guilt being released.

 

HOW TO RELEASE HELPFUL GUILT

You can let go of the helpful kind of guilt after you made amends to the person you hurt. Making an amends is an apology to tell someone that you are sorry for what you did. You make an amendment to your behavior--you add something that makes it right by saying you are sorry. Making an amends is a correction technique where you address your regret that you have hurt the other person.

You can tell the person to his or her face what your are sorry about or you can write a letter. Or you can even talk to that person's angel and tell them of your regrets that you hurt the person. Even if it has been years and years ago since you hurt someone, you can still write about it and say that you are sorry.

Take time now to write a letter to the person you have hurt. You may choose to send it or not, but writing it, saying you are sorry and feeling regret can help.

Guilt is only necessary as an emotion to get you to stop doing harmful things or pushing you to do things we know you need to do that you have been avoiding. Any other guilt can be released as it doesn't do anything for you anymore. Get someone to help you if you can't do it by yourself. You just don't need to hold on to nonproductive guilt!


We are sorry but we can no longer accept new letters.


Sorries

Dear Tina,

I don't know where to start. We've been together 11 years and we've had so many problems along the way. I've mistreated you, spoke to you like you were nothing, acted like you were nothing, cheated on you, lied to you, ignored you, and still you stayed.

You stayed. Because you believed in something, you stayed.

Whether we were ever "compatible" or not is totally irrelevant. I know we don't have a future...not now. Someday enough will be enough and you will drop me, as you should.

But I want you to know that I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being so hateful, rude, unintelligent, childish, selfish, passive-aggressive, unfaithful, hopeless, careless, and flat out mean. I'm sorry for not caring when I said I did, not loving when I said I would, not listening when I said I would. I'm sorry for throwing away the wonderful life you offered. I'm sorry for not speaking up when I should have, not being as assertive as I could have been, not respecting myself enough to know that my self-loathing was being spilled over onto you.

I don't know what the source of these problems is, but it's not you. I've blamed you, and I am wrong.

I love you the only way I know how to love a person, which doesn't amount to much in the eyes of someone who loves as much as you do. I'm so sorry. Don't think about forgiveness...just know that I wish you nothing more than peace.

J.


Deb,

I am so sorry that I hurt you throughout the years by taking you for granted. I am sorry that I was mean, controlling, insensitive. I guess I was under to much stress and/or not in my right mind. I hope you can find in your heart to give me another chance as I work on changing myself.

T.


To AK-

I am truly sorry for crushing your love for me. I didn't understand how much I was hurting you. I'm all grown up now, but still miss you and still with you could happen again in my lonely life. Forgive me. You were the most magical, spiritual experience of my lifetime.

I love you.

J.


Dear Melissa,

I'm so sorry for the way that I spoke to you this weekend. I get so angry with you for always talking so negatively about yourself. I said I would punch you if you talked like that again. I would never do that. Sometimes I want to just to jolt some sense into you. You are a beautiful person and I wish you would realize that and give yourself some credit for the wonderful things you do. You are a great mother and wife. A great sister and daughter. And a great friend. The way I spoke to you was hurtful and insensative and I'm sure only adds to your distress right now. I wish I was as gentle and forgiving as you are. I promise I will be a more understanding compassionate friend. I promise I am working on my anger. You have so much insight and love and I just squash you with my almighty ideas. I should not do that. I acted like a know it all... I'm so ignorant sometimes.

Please just know how much I love you as my special friend and how sorry I am.

Love,

Jeanne


Dear Kevin:

I am so sorry that I was not there for you before you cheated on me. I am not blaming myself for what you did, but I know I had changed some. It's hard moving to another state and trying to adjust to all the change. I know you strayed from me because of all my nagging- again, not right. I wish you had just talked to me i/o going outside our relationship. I want to make everything better and am trying with all my heart. You must now do your best to overcome the guilt you feel so we can get past this.

I love you with all my heart!!!

Love,

Terri


Kif,

Im so sorry for hurting you last year in november... these past five moths have been hell without you by my side. Im so angry at myself for destroying something that was so amazing and so unique.. we were so happy together and i miss that. You are such a great person and its sad that i saw the bad side of you from my selfish actions.

I love you baby boy and no matter where life takes me, i will always care for you and love you.. from our man Tupac "Gotta keep yo head up!"

Love Mis$ Beauty ... Kiss from me


I am sorry for being so angry about the rejection from my son and X daughter in law. I'm sorry for being angry and resentfull toward both of them for not being Cival toward the relationship with thier children ,and my attitude that the children are Gifts from God and should not be used as pawns or caught in the crossfire of a Nasty Divorce. I'm sorry for the resentment I feel toward my X Daughter in laws family for not encourageing Her to allow me to see the Children or at least send me a picture. I am sorry about the anger I feel toward my whole family for expecting me to forget about the Love I feel for those precious Grandsons. I am sorry for feeling anger and resentment toward the church as a whole for letting the people down. But most of all I'm sorry it took me too long to realize that Nothing or No-one cane truely make me Happy apart from God. AMEN

Thank you sincerly for this sight I'm sorry I didn't find it sooner!

Alienated Grandma

 

Dear D,

I can't tell you enough or in the right words how sorry I am for the things that I've done. I wish I could take back the cheating, lying, and deception. You were supposed to be the person I loved more than anything, and I betrayed you and hurt you the worst that I could have. I wish I could be stronger at times when we're fighting to not egg it on and to be able to just apologize to you and make it stop. I love you, and I pray every night for us to get back the trust and love we once had. Please never forget that I love you more than anything, and you mean the world to me.

Love,
Sunshine


 

Dear Mommy,

i'm sorry that i caused so much trouble for you and daddy. im sorry.

your little angel, Roxxane

 


MJ,

I'm sorry I hurt you last night when I pulled your hair. I felt angry and jealous. It was wrong and I am ashamed I acted so childishly. I know that upsets you and I did it to upset you intentionally. No man should have his hair pulled by his girlfriend like a three year old. I'm sorry I did it and I won't do it again. I hurt you on purpose and you have every right to be mad. Please accept my apology.

MA


Dear Andrew,

Your mommy is sorry for being so angry at you today when you were not nice to your sister. I spanked you on the bottom and afterwards I felt bad. I think that you are a wonderful little boy and I am going to be different from now on. Spanking is not for me! I have tried to tell your daddy that I don't like to spank but today I have decided, NO MORE. I will find better ways to discipline you. You are my little "fine sir!" I will use my words (the way It'll you to do) and I will have other ways of disciplining you. Today you received your very last spanking from your mommy!

Love,
Mommy


Mike,

I'm sorry that I lashed out on you tonight. I don't know what got into me. I didn't think I was that stressed out, but maybe I am. Either way, that is no excuse for the way I acted. I just got so frustrated because I kept asking you to stop and you wouldn't. I know that you were just joking around, but I blew it out of proportion. I don't blame you for being mad at me, but please forgive me. I don't want that to happen again and it's not going to. I'm very ashamed and humiliated. I love you very much and I'm so sorry.

Love always,
Kara


 

PB,
  I can't begin to express how sorry I am for who I have become.  I've never meant to bring any harm to you be it emotional or physical.  Hurting you only hurt myself and I was wrong to blame my emotions on you, and I want you to know that I want to change and learn to control MY emotions and MY anger.
You were right, it was never anything you did.  It was and still is my problem.  Please give me one last chance to correct it.  I don't know what I would do without you, you are the best person I have ever met and the only one I could ever imagine loving.  Please accept my apology and know that I am going to work on some anger management for myself to learn to  control that anger that creates the me you don't like.   I'm sorry PB and I will always keep a loving place in my heart for you.  I just hope you can find it
to forgive me. 

LM


 

Dear Andy,

I am going to take responsibility for how I feel. I am going to anger management and I am going to get a part-time job. You are not responsible for how I feel. I feel tired and I am going to rest. I feel inadequate so I am going to anger management. I feel insecure and irresponsible, so I going to get a job. I feel overwhelmed, so I have to take it slow and get back to doing one thing at a time.

I need to take control over I how feel and not bother you with how I feel. It must be a drag for you, and I am sorry. If I had known you were coming, I would have prepared myself months in advance. I do love you and I hope you really didn't mean what you said about me not loving you.

I hung up because you started ridiculing me about something I already explained to you 100 times and I am not going to start using my precious energy re-hashing the past or defending myself against untruths about my character. If I had more clarity about how I FEEL I wouldn't be doing this number on you. I am confusing YOU by sending out too many conflicting FEELINGS about too many interrelated issues.

I am sincerely in the present, and I don't rehash the past in my head, haven't for a long long time. It has brought me some peace. I will walk away from any argument about the past. I am not going to rehash it. It was complicated and there is no end to the twists and the turns of reactions to reactions. We will never know the all of it. I don't want to know the all of it.

I like who I am and I am not going to beat myself up about mistakes. And I am not into beating you up either. That is disgusting. I like who you are- that is THE TRUTH.

I was not prepared for last Thrusday night either. Please forgive me for going on and on and on and on please forgive me for not knowing how to shut my brain off. I need to learn some skills so that I can shut it off. Please give me the time to learn to deal with myself.

I want to learn, I truly believe it is my responsibility to correct myself if what I do doesn't work towards happiness for us. I do not want to make you feel bad about anything. You are wonderful to me, and I love you. I need to get off this kick I am on and I need some skills to do it. No big deal. I would slay dragons for you.

CM


 

To G,

You are my best friend and i do not know what i would do with out you. I am sorry for all of the times i made you feel bad and i wish i could take them all back. From now on i will be cool, and i am trying to find ways to deal with my anger problem. Now when i look back on it i feel like such a hipocrit because i know i would hate it if you did that stuff to me.

P.S about ally, girls will never get in the way of our frienedship!

from, H


 

im really sorry to CJP for all my mistakes....

secret


C,

I am sorry that I didn't support you and understand how you felt. I promise to get better at giving you all I can. I am sorry that I made you mad and please try to forgive me.

J


 

Dear S,

I am sorry that i hurt. I could not control myself. I was not mad at you and what I did was wrong. You have every right to be upset with me and I respect that. I now realize that I have a problem and I am seeking ways to help myself. I am changing for you and I hope you can find it your heart to forgive me. I LOVE YOU. I never wanted to hurt you like I did and I have nothing to say for myself except for that I am going to get help and fix my anger problem, I will love you forever and I won't ever hurt you again.

Love T

 


SORRY FOR ALL THE ARGUEMENTS REALLY DO LOVE YOU ALTHOUGH I FIND IT HARD TO SHOW AND TO BE ABLE TO TELLYOU PROPERLY I JUST HOPE I HAVE NOT LEFT IT TO LATE AND IM GOING TO TRY AND GET SOME HELP

ILL REALLY WIL LOVE YOU FOR EVER BECAUSE YOU BOTH MEEN THE WORLD TO ME

SORRY

LOVE CHILLY


Dear L

I'm sorry for getting mad that I couldn't find something and I took it out on you. It made you so sad and you didn't deserve it. I love you. I wasn't even mad at you at all. I wish you would have been able to skip school so I could hang out with you and hug you. I didn't mean to make you sad.

Love, M


 

i hurt a.w.'s feelings and am really,really sorry and have already apologized and wanted to make ammends. i luv a.w. very much and would like to apologize again in this letter. a.w. i luv you alot and want you to know that.you have real feelings and i dont want to hurt them anymore. i DO love you very,very much. im glad i let this out,cus i kinda feel better now.

see ya, jovi


 

Dear Special K,

I'm sorry I broke the rocket I bought you for Christmas.

Red


Dear J. Q.,

I'm sorry I hit you when you laughed at me last week. I felt mad and wanted you to stop laughing. I hurt you. My feelings were hurt. I feel really bad and sad about hitting you. I want to be your friend and I won't hit you anymore.

Buzz

 


Dear j.

i'm sorry that I threw the bowl of spaghetti at you. when you said that comment about my dad, I lost it. I am so sorry. please don't leave me.

m

 


Dear Jas,

I'm sorry I yelled at you today when you invited me to go out with you. I should have just said no I am too tired to go out instead of yelling at you. I was angry about some other minor incidences and did not mean to take it out on you. You are the best sis in the world and I hope you can forgive me.

Love from your big sis (the idiot!)

* * *

Note from The Lady Who Knows About Mads:

Dear big sis,

Please oh please do not call yourself an idiot! You may say you did an idiot thing, but do not label yourself with a negative just because you goofed up!

 


To L. W.

I am sorry for accusing you for taking something that was mine. I am also sorry for not being able to reconnect our friendship that we had and letting people mess up our friendship. The pizza that I ordered to your house all the crazy phone calls etc. I am apologizing to you hoping that we can be friends and that you will accept my apology. I do know what I did was wrong and childish.

R.

 


Jocey

im sorry i hit u upside the head when you were not payin attention and almost hit that kid, you just uupsetme cus you dont pay attention to lil things and its not even that its in the reliationship as well... i dont know but im sorry bout smackin u upside ur head i should never have doen it and it hurts so bad that i did i wish i could take ti back but i cant sooo i dont know what else to say please forgive

anthony


 

Sorries From Adults:

 

Dear Mikey,

 I am sorry I told you I didn't want to be with you anymore. I was not coping with my parents divorce, or with the bullying I've been enduring. I tried to end the pain, but I took a bad approach. Ending our relationship did nothing to help me feel better, and has just resulted in us both feeling bad. I hope you don't really hate me and think I am a bitch, as you told me, because I don't think I am like that and was not acting right today. You don't believe me when I say I'm sorry, and that is understandable, because I have hurt you, and if you don't trust me anymore, it's only my fault. Our relationship may never return to normal, and I regret it deeply.

 Love, Kim.

 

To Me,

I am sorry I have hurt you for the past 40 some years. You have gone through so much suffering to the point you have practically given up hope of ever knowing who you are or what you can accomplish. I have lead you down the road of anxiety and deep depression. Please forgive me. I have never known
how to love you but always put others happiness before you. I will work hard to change this thinking know that you did not ask for the childhood you grew up in and I want you to know that it is not your fault. You don't need to blame yourself for your family's constant criticism that I believed all these years were true about you. No one is perfect and you family is not perfect either. You are not a slave to others and I will no longer push you to be a slave. You don't have to feel you have to be perfect in everything you try to do any more for fear of making me angry. I will no longer make you jump through hoops to impress others.

I will refuse to beat you up anymore for a mistake you made or not being able to make others happy. I will refuse to listen to that little voice inside our head that says you are stupid and worthless and will never amount to anything. I will never get mad at you again when you make a mistake. Everyone makes mistakes why should I expect you to never make one. I will never say I hate you any more. I will never punish you again for trying you best and it was not up to the standards I expected out of you. I will affirm
you with thoughts of love only. I will take care of you and love and help you see that the little child in you was only doing what she thought she could do to protect herself. I have lead you to believe in wrong thinking patterns and for this I am the most sorry for.

I will work hard to change myself so I think only healthy good thoughts about you instead of hating you when things go wrong or are beyond our control. I will try to do more things with you and push my fears aside so you can have fun in the real world instead of living alone and feeling miserable so I can sorry for myself. I will struggle hard to overcome our fears together. I will struggle with the fears to help us both understand that we can accomplish anything if we work hard for it. I will no longer push you at work to make myself look good. I will no longer act like a martyr so I can believe my mistakes are right and you are not worth it and hurt you again and again in the process. I will not take to heart the negative things no matter how trivial people tell me and blame you for them. I will not blame you for the anger and frustration I cause you to blow up at people when they say or do things that make me angry.

Please forgive me. God please forgive me for not giving you all of my hurts, fears and frustrations to you instead of hurting myself. Please God help guide me and give me the strength to help myself become a whole person who loves themself. But most important please give me a second chance to help undo all the wrongs I have done to myself. I just want to let me know that I will do everything possible to change and to rectify everything I have done to hurt me and let me know that I really and truly do love me.

Love,

Me


 

Dear M.

I am sorry for all of the things I've done to you and your daughter. I have been a very angry person. All this time I thought I was doing the right thing, but I wasn't. I was hurting the both of you. I pray that someday the both of you will learn to forgive me, and love me once more. All I want is for our family to be happy, and I will do whatever needs to be done to assure that.

I love you both very much, and am forever sorry.

C.


To my Family,

I am so sorry for the 37 years of verbal abuse, control, and as I've finally come to admit raping of my children's loving mother and my wife of almost 33 years. You've tried to tell me your feelings for so many, many years, and I never listened. I thought you were the sick one, all the while in denial of the abusive and controlling behavior you were telling me about. I'm so sorry for keeping you from visiting your family, when you should have been able to be there for them and yourself. For taking from you, what should have only been given by you. When we became one in God's eyes, I believed you were mine to have and to hold and when I wanted you I took from you. Please, know I am sorry, it was as you have told me, "RAPE".

As I remember it, from our teens to our fifties, abusive and controlling behavior, I Have Done to You, My Wife, and family in the past 37 years, for which I am trying to acknowledge and to take ownership of.

  • ·I have driven past where you were baby sitting, revving the engine because I was angry that you were baby sitting rather than being with me.
  • I have driven fast, with and without you in the car, when angry with you.
  • I drove fast over the railroad tracks, and hardly had time to stop for the stop sign on the highway.
  • I would blame you for things I had done while driving, such as going through stop signs, missing turns, getting lost, etc.
  • I controlled the money, giving you what I thought was enough to buy groceries and to pay monthly bills.
  • I kept you from being with your friends and family.
  • I thought you should be content and happy to be with just me, and I let it be known to you.
  • I thought, and told you, you were sick, even crazy.
  • I thought I needed you to be with me ALWAYS, unless I was at work, and I let it be known to you.
  • I thought you should and could make me happy, and if you didn't it was your fault, and let it be known to you.
  • I have been angry when you where on the phone with friends, and would try to catch you, talking about me.
  • When out, I felt you needed to be with me by my side, or I felt angry and alone.
  • I didn't want to go places if I had to socialize with people, but I never wanted you to go by yourself, even if you wanted to.
  • I complained about the miles on the car and the amount of gas being used.
  • I told you, you were sick, because you didn't want sex as much as I did.
  • I have violated you sexually, trying for sex when you had asked me not to, even to the point of you crying, and also while you were asleep.
  • I have told you, in reference to sex, that you were like a ‘---- ----' in bed.
  • I have left you crying and have fallen asleep after sex.
  • I have lied to you.
  • I have put you down in front of friends, family and while alone, and when you felt hurt, I told you that I was only kidding or joking, and that you are too sensitive.
  • I have left you and our children at church, and drove off angry, because we were a few minutes late.
  • I have sat waiting in anger for you to get yourself and the children ready for church, but not helping you.
  • I ruined your friend's, wedding for you and the children, by being angry and complaining.
  • I left you and the children alone in the car, getting out of the car and walking home after leaving your friend's wedding.
  • I have verbally abused both of our children and also have used a strap to discipline our son.
  • I have thought, felt, and talked of suicide in front of you.
  • I have displayed my pistol, while angry.
  • I have said, ‘The house you love, may be the house you die in'.
  • I have talked to you in a voice you have told me was too loud, and denied that I was.
  • I have rolled my eyes and used other facial expressions toward you, and have denied that I had.
  • I have told you that YOU make Me angry.

This list is only of what I recall from the many more that you must have felt and have been hurt by. I know there are more, and that these are just particular instances, that are the result of the every day controlling and abusive behavior, I have in the past and still do display. So much of what you've told me over and over, I have continually denied, but the more I read, about control and abuse, the more I see myself doing the things you've been trying for so long to tell me, to stop doing. How can I be so blind and deaf for so long? I have ruined our marriage and family, and have caused every thing I've wanted to be every thing I no longer have. I feel, I've lost, your friendship, companionship, intimacy, and love. I live in this house and much of the time I feel more loneliness than I had felt while living alone during our time of separation. I know you may never be able to or even want to forgive and trust me, but I want to tell you I am sorry.

I told you so many times I would change, and it never happened, and I have no reason for you to believe in me now. I have gone to two Emotions ­Anon meetings, this because of the many times you told me of the help you received from Al-Anon and your support groups. I hope I can receive the help I need to change, I am going to try, for me, and for us I hope. I wish I could make things better, and make up for the past, but if I live to be 100, I will probably never have a enough time on earth to do so. I do love you, and thought that I always loved you, but as I come to realize all the hurt I caused you, I don't know if I even know how to love. So much of the control I had over you, that I no longer have, is because of the way you have changed. For a long time, many years, I hated the changes in you, but I am now able to see you go out with friends and honestly hope you have fun. I miss you, going places with me, or enjoying time with you, I realize that will only come with trust, which may or may not come from my actions and not my saying I'm sorry. I only hope I can change before my behavior escalates to the point to where my abuse of you becomes more physical. I know I have hurt you deeply, emotionally, and I need to stop now. You may never see this, and if you do, it will probably bring you to feeling angry with me. But in my defense, I'm hoping that by putting this in print, it will help me to come to acknowledge and to own all the hurt and emotional pain, I've brought to you all.

I am Sorry, just me.

 


Wendy,

I'm sorry for the way I've been acting. I just want you to know that you and Gloria are the most important things in my life and I will do anything to make our life work out together. I WILL control my anger. I WILL be a good father. I WILL be a good husband. I WILL be a calmer more laid back person like I used to be. I WILL do whatever it takes to make our life right together. You are my world, and my everything. I love you more than life itself and would give mine up for you to live. Please forgive me and let's work this out.

I LOVE YOU,

Shane

 


Dear Kim,

I'm sitting here at work reflecting on everything. I'm scared and I'm trying not to be in denial I guess that I have been angry for a long time. I ask myself but why am I angry, I think hard, several things come to mind.

Reflecting on my past I know I'm angry for being adopted- it should never of happened but it did. Angry because I was bullied at school and could not take anymore. I'm angry that it took my parents so long to get me out of that school. Angry because my parents sent me to see a psychologist I was young- I felt that everyone was laughing at me at school. Angry because my Mum threw my keyboard at my leg and I needed stitches. I'm angry because, I was given the belt across my bare backside. Angry because I was forced into eating food that made me sick then having to stand naked in the kitchen whilst my brother was allowed out.

I have felt so many times that I've been a failure in my life and my anger is about me not anyone else. I have realized now that there are reasons to why I have become angry over the years, those reasons are the ones above but I have never admitted them fully to myself.

I have wanted help for a long time, to talk, to give in and admit that being angry does not help. In fact it is only destroying me and pushing you further away from me.

I wonder though if I'm just looking for excuses in my past because I don't feel hatred or anger all the time, I never think about the past, being bullied. I do think about the adoption but not all the time.

I'm sorry for being angry with you. I'm sorry for hurting you and for throwing you off the seat, what you said hurt me but there was no excuse. I know that I did not mean for the ashtray to hit your head but it did and you were injured. I felt sick inside when that happened. I'm sorry for hitting the wall. I'm sorry for putting ash on the suit I bought you. In writing this and having discussed Anger Management with you I'm determined to get this problem sorted out once and for all. I know that you get angry too but you don't do what I have done. I realize that we can all get angry but there is a stopping point, there is a limit and many times I know when to call time out, certainly I have known the past couple of months.

I'm looking forward to forgiving myself, learning about me and to understand why I have become an angry person. I want to be in control of this. I want you and I to feel at peace and know that in times of frustration it can be talked through. I most of all want to hear you say you trust me and love me. I know you feel my love and I know I make you happy.

I want to feel happy with myself too, this is why Anger Management will help me.

Thanks for being there. I love you and thanks for asking me to get help.

Love John

 


 

TJ,

I am so sorry and I wish I could turn back the clock but I can't. I grew up in a violent home and when I had you I was determined things would be different for you. Then I met a man who was exactly like my father and I married him. It brought out feelings of fear and anger I could not deal with and instead of reacting against the husband who would shout and lash out scaring us both I took it out on you. It will never happen again. I have divorced this negative man but I see the change in you every day now. You are angry and aggressive and impulsive and abusive and it is my fault.

I want us both to change. You are my world and I will do all I can to help you break the cycle I passed onto you. I love you and if I have caused you everlasting pain I want to know how to help you ease it. I know our bond has been damaged but I want to try to work towards healing because I can't turn back time. And we both have so far yet to go.

I will do whatever it takes.

DG

 


 

Dear Karen,

it's been 40 days since I physically hurt you and I kept on hurting you verbally, even when you came back to me. I'm just about to realize the damage I have done. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You gave me everything a man could dream of : love, affection, and the will to build a family with me and the dog, waiting for children ...

I have always been criticizing you, laughing at your fears, not wanting to help you. I put an insane control on you just because you were much more educated than me on emotional beings. The more you told me you wanted somebody strong as a partner, the more I fell weak and unable to be that one and the more I was angry. One day, I got violent and I threw you out of my house. But that was yours too. This bad evening was your birthday, probably the worse you will ever have in your life.

I know we are so different, but I couldn't accept you as you are. I rejected your love that was safe and sincere. By now, you're afraid of me. What I have done ? Who am I to hurt you that way and saying horrible things ? I never knew how to love you. I couldn't make you happy because I didn't knew how to make myself happy.

Today, I feel ashamed and guilty. I am going to make a therapy to keep me safe from being angry and violent. I wish to thank you for support and comprehension, you're the most loving person I ever met. When I forgive myself, I'll ask you to forgive me and to reconsider talking to me again.

Enjoy your life and have fun with the band.

You are precious to me.

Love,

Marc.

 


To those I've hurt:

I apologize to myself fisrtly not because I think I am better than anyone or more desservant of it, but because I have finally realized that I was waiting all of these years for someone else to forgive me. But nobody can forgive me if they don't know what I have put myself through if that makes any sense. I am sorry I let people abuse me as an adult, as a child I couldn't stop it but as adult I seemed to encourage it. I am sorry I abused myself by putting myself into dangerous situations dangerous emotionally and physically. For trying to take my own life several times and I am glad I didn't because I am stronger than that and nothing in this world is more precious than a human life. And I apologize to myself for lying and hiding my real feelings and the real me, I am glad I finally allowed myself the privelege of being myself and I have never been happier.

-Second-

I would like to apologize to my family and friends for lying to them my whole life about who I was. I didn't trust you with my feelings or thoughts and I was always angry and hateful, I was a child and I just didn't understand what was so wrong with me. I felt if I didn't understand what was wrong with me why anyone else would have.

I am sorry to P.W. for taking my anger and hurt out on you, I need to find better ways to deal with my pain and hurt you have always been there for me and I have stolen your sweet smile I think a million times. Sometimes it may seem to you I enjoy doing it, but it is just as painful for me to see you sad and even more so knowing that I was the cause of your tears. I am pleased to have you in my life I never want to lose you or live without you.

Mom I want to say I am sorry for holding back the pain and anger I feel for you, I feel I was wronged given a sentence in an emotional jail without a chance to plead my case. But I have grown now and I realize that was then and this is now, you have changed alot and I have made you cry through out the years probably nearly as much as I did as a child and for that I am terribly sorry. I am glad you are my mother because though life was not perfect I would not have become the person I am today. And thank you for being here for me now.

With Lot's of Love
Ang


Dear Vernon,

I am sorry for hurting your feelings , i abruptly broke up with you in 1980. I was being unfaithful and was too ashamed to come clean with you then. I believe you have been given a great life today and this you deserve.

sincerely,

Melanie

 


Noemi-

I wish I could tell you face to face the things I have learned from how Iacted - to tell you how sorry I really am and to tell you that I realize a lot of the things I did wrong to hurt you. I wish I had supported you more and that I had stopped to listen before getting angry. I was the happiest I have ever been when we got married and I feel like we could have worked things out if I hadnt lost my temper and had trusted you more. I miss you more than I can say and wish I knew how to show you my heart. You said you didnt know if you would ever come back - but that you didnt want me to wait for you. That is the hardest thing for me to do. I have to let you go and I know in my heart that I dont want to - I never have. I will miss you more than I can express - but I have to accept that sometimes you cant undo the hurt. Sometimes you just have to let someone be free. I pray that if you ever miss me you will seek me out - the door is always open. I love you. I pray that my sincere apology reaches you through whatever means and that you will find peace in your heart with me. I am sorry I hurt you and now am letting you go.

Love (your husband),

Nathan


 

I'm sorry that I rattled your teakettle. But, we both know it didn't break. Someone tonight told me just to lighten up about you. After all that we've been through, is that possible? Can we still be friends? He also said that there's just two kinds of people that you don't get along with. Neither one was a very nice name. Which one am I? The first (an "idiot"), the second (an "a******"). He said the first couldn't do what you wanted him to do and the second wouldn't. I liked him a whole bunch.

I hope you didn't have to look in my trash for places where I might have put your tea kettle. That would be an icky place to have had to look. When he told me that you might even go through my trash, guess what I wanted to do, first thought? I'm so tempted to play hide and seek with you. Maybe, you might look for me here, every now and then. I think it would be cute, inventive, and you know what! AMERICAN.

Love,

IMP


 

Dear Samus,

I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I emotionally abused you. You were a child entrusted in my care and my anger and mood swings made you insecure. You never knew what to expect. And then I would sleep all the time and I neglected you and in so doing I abandoned you. And then, I tried to kill myself and in so doing betrayed you so that you could not trust anyone. I did all these things to you beginning when you were a baby until you were a teen. I feel like a bad angel; a very, very bad angel. My heart over flows with empathy for you. My love for you will be with me always. Forever I will grieve my loss of you. You were the best thing that ever came into my life. I will forever be grateful that I've had the privilege of knowing you.

Love, A.


Hi!

I'm V. I'm 37. I'm always angry. I'm a good person, very jolly. However when my anger comes out I say and do things that I do not mean. I've had troubled relationships all my life. My biggest challenge is the feeling that my anger leaves. It's very bitter and the guilt is horrible. Many years ago , I was a rebellious girl. I want to say sorry to my mom for all the challenges she had to face with me and my angry attitude. In spite of the fact that I never said sorry, deep inside I feel that I'm in debt with my mom.

Sincerely,

V.


 

Julie,

------It's been 1 year, 3 months, and 15 days. -I am so terribly sorry for all of the hurt I caused you. -If I had somehow known that hour was my last with you...I'd have never let you out of my arms; much less driven away without a goodbye kiss or an "I love you". -I know if you were able to, you would forgive me and tell me to move on with my life...but I just can't Julie. -I miss you every moment. -Your voice, your hugs, and God knows I miss your smile. -There isn't a day that passes that I don't see your face everywhere I look or hear a song that takes me back to you. -I loved you then, and I love you still. -

-----I hurt you, made you cry, and said so many things out of anger that I will regret for the rest of my life. It just tears me apart because I can't take them back. -I've had to learn the very cruel lesson that we don't always get a 'second chance to make it right'. -I miss you so much that sometimes it's even hard to breathe. I miss you laughing at my jokes, your cooking nearly burning the house down, -the strand of hair that fell in your eyes when you'd look down at something, and the way you'd fall asleep with your head resting on my chest. -So many things I'd give anything just to see or experience one more time. Simple day to day things, like waking up or eating dinner, are so unbearable without you here. -

------I'm just so sorry I didn't end it the way it deserved to end. -I just had no idea you were going to be taken from us so soon. -It never crossed my mind that I could wake up one morning only to realize the horrible news I had been trying to deny was true and you really were gone. -I thank God for every second I had you beside me and for the memories I hold so close to my heart. -I am So Very Sorry. I Miss You Julie.

Robin D


 

Dear Honey,

I'm sorry for always putting you down, and blaming you for all my bad situations. I'm sorry for not forgiving you for your past mistakes. I realize me being unhappy with myself, that you could never make me happy. I'm sorry for not accepting you for who you are. I'm sorry for trying to change you. I want so much to be able to change my actions, I want to be able to stop doing these things, honey it is hard, so please forgive me, and in the future please remind me of this. I don't like to hurt your feelings, or anyone's. I Love You, and please forgive me honey, I may not change, but I do realize I am wrong for not working on my part Etc.


dear god

im sorry. im awful and horrible and rotten on the inside please forgive me and help me. my family means the world to me i dont want to hurt them anymore

andy


 

Dear 'D',

You were right, I've been educating myself on anger management and the 15+ years of beatings I took at home when I was a kid, have surfaced in our 10 year relationship time and time again. I love you and will never hurt you again - I will get the help I need to break this vicious cycle NOW before we have kids and perpetuate it further. You are the love of my life and I will do everything in my power to be your lover, your partner, your teammate, your friend and your husband from this moment forward, I swear it.

Love,

'F'

Note from Lynne:

GOOD FOR YOU F!

We can choose in our generation to stop the pattern of abuse and keep it from going on to future generations! It's a lifelong study, but a worthwhile one.

Warning: As your life gets more stressful, as it does occasionally across a lifetime, old abusive habits can return. That is the time to be really good to yourself!


Dear Punter,

I'm sorry I had to break up with you the summer before my Senior year in college in l960. I cared a lot about you, but I knew that you were not the right person for me to marry. I knew that I would not have been able to be faithful to you. So I had to break off our romance. It was the right decision for me and ultimately for you, although you didn't understand it at the time.

I hope you found someone who loves you deeply and you have a happy life. I'm sorry I hurt you.

Illinois Girl


I am sorry for hurting N, Ray, and God for things I have done while under the influence of alcohol. I am sorry for not honoring these major relationships in my life and it is true that guilt has influenced my behavior to change.

Anonymous


Dear B.

I'm sorry I made our relationship of 12 years end because I found interest in someone else. I could be quite happy in this new relationship if only I were able to feel forgiven of the terrible pain I know I caused you. I'll always love you and respect you and remember all the happiness you filled my life with through the years. I hope you can do the same.

T.


Dear Yolanda,

I had no right to go off on you the way I did. My anger was directed towards you when it should have been directed to my colleagues. I hope that you can forgive me.

D.J.


To the lady,

i was angry and i threw a skateboard at my frieind. he had to get sticheds and staples in his head. i am really sorry and all my frinds are mad at me.

mc

Note from Lynne:

Dear mc,

What you are learning in stop yourself from doing reckless things when you are angry. Like picking up something and throwing it, just because you are mad. You can get past this feeling bad about this if you learn to never throw something in anger again.

It is good that you feel sorrow for your action. That shows you are a caring person deep down. Yes, friends will get mad at you if you do something to hurt someone. That is part of your learning too--that your actions have consequences that will come back on you.

So you need to learn to talk about your mads so they do not build up until you explode. Keep learning new ways to get your mads out. Go to the Angries Out web site and print out these pages:


dear alex,

im so sorry i hurt you. youre my best friend and i swear ill never do it again. i dont know why i freaked out at you cause you didnt do anything wrong. im a jerk and i dont think you need someone like me in your life cause you have enough bad stuff already and i only let you down.

god alex im so sorry. you are the best person ill ever meet and i will sew my lips shut before i ever hurt you again. i dont even remeber what i was so mad about but youve gotta belive me when i say that i would never hurt you. i have got to learn control before i go and do something really really bad.i hurt you and i hurt susan and i really love you both even though i know i dont say that.i hope someday susan will take me back cause i miss her but shes doing so much better without me her foolish knight.these are the chains that weigh on me not you guys and i have no right at all to put them on you.you guys are gold you have to know that. you know i love you dont you? if i didnt i dont know where id be.

i dont wanna hurt anyone anymore.im gonna try and change and if i cant then mark my words i wont take you down with me. i love you so much im sick of being macho i love you and i love susan more than youll ever know.guess thats it for now and i know you forgave me but i dont want you to ever be scared of me ok? i will be strong and stop the violence.

love,

jas

Note from Lynne:

Dear jas,

I m glad you are looking for information on anger. That shows that you care about yourself and others and are ready to learn some anger management skills. Hey, this is called growing up!

Leaving the situation which makes you mad is ALWAYS preferable to hurting yourself or your friends with your words or actions. Take a time for yourself period to cool down. Get yourself away before you do something that you will regret later.

You are using venting of anger to try to release it and that isn t working so well for you. Hostility breeds hostility. Can you find more productive ways to deal with the angry feelings? Like drawing a picture of them or writing about them? Or running or washing your car, or cleaning your room or anything productive to work them out? Once I chopped a bush down that needed to come out when I was mad. I still had to deal with the situation though.

You need a strong enough counselor who can get you to the deep feelings of hurt, disappointment and betrayal under the anger. Anger is the substitute emotion that comes up so you do not have to feel the more vulnerable emotions that hide down deep.

Maybe your therapist could do some Voice Dialogue with you to let all those parts of you speak to release the pain that you have hidden away.

Other important techniques for your therapist to help you with anger include The Emotional Freedom Technique, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, Thought Field Therapy, and the Tapas Acupressure Technique. These newer ways of helping people are faster and more efficient than just talking about why you get angry.

Keep reading and learning all that you can. Read my A Primer on Anger and Whoosh! The One Thirtieth of a Second Reaction of Anger which explain why we get angry. You can read about these ways to release anger at my web page named YOUNG WOMEN WHO ARE ANGRY, READ THIS PAGE! (ANGRY GUYS READ THIS TOO!)

Just talking about your anger will not help much. You need some stronger tools. That is why you require a counselor who has training to deal with the anger issues you have. Don t be shy. Speak up and get the very best help for yourself. You DESERVE it!

Do not turn to alcohol or drugs as a way to deal with your pain. That will really mess you up and give you a whole new set of problems to deal with. Anger usually gets worse when you are drinking or on drugs.

Do not be discouraged. You are just starting to look at the years of abuse you have suffered. You have a lifetime to work this out. Others have come through what you have and learned to deal with their anger.

The Lady Who Knows About Mads

 


Dear Judi:

I am sorry that I hurt you at the Blues Festival when I got upset and grabbed you and swore at you. I love you very much and I don't want to hurt you in any way, and I don't want to ever do that again so I am writing this letter to make a start at dealing with my anger. I have lots of old stuff that sticks in my head and I think because I had too much to drink that night, and probably because of the way I am feeling about what's happening with my daughter Katherine and the business venture that I have taken on, it came out. That was not a responsible way to handle what I was feeling, and you do not deserve to be treated that way. I don't want us to split up because of such a stupid act on my part, and I will take the steps necessary to deal with my resentments from the past that fuelled my anger that you saw and felt.

I would like to calmly explain to you the old feelings that I had as a kid and the way I was treated. I think when you grabbed my cap and then when you grabbed the cigarette that I had in my mouth that I was going to light, that I reacted to some of those old resentments. When I was a kid, I always felt like I was not good enough, everyone was older than me, and I got the feeling that I could never ever do anything good enough. I felt that I was made fun of by the older people in my life (my mom, my sister, my brother, my older cousins, and older friends). You'll notice that I did not include my DAD because I believe that he was the only person in my life that I actually believed loved me and did not treat me like a nobody. I love him very much even though he has been dead for 27 years, and I miss him very very much. I would like it very much if I could talk to him sometimes cause he was the kind of person that would help you calmly figure things out, and sometimes I need that. I hated the way that I was treated, and I never felt that I could tell anyone about it, I just had to keep taking it on the chin.

I still don't understand why I had to get a beating every year on Christmas Eve before I got my presents (what a strange and awful custom that became). They probably don't even think they were hurting me when they did it. Also, my opinion didn't count, I just had to go along with whatever was decided or chose not to be involved. I remember times when I just sat behind the stove in the kitchen with my dog cause I just wanted some peace from the misery. I loved my dog, cause she liked me and accepted me as I was, even when I got mad at her. Why couldn't the people in my life be more like my DAD and my dog. Why couldn't they just accept me for who and what I am and was and not use me as a target for their jokes.

I also feel guilty about what's happening with K. right now. It is so hard to do what I am doing. I love my daughter very much and I feel like I never had a good relationship with either of my kids. I don't want them to hate me or ignore me, so I feel I have to do things for them. Some times the miles apart that we are from each other makes it hard. I wish they were closer so that I could see them and talk to them more often. I wish and hope that they understand where I am coming from and that I only want the best for both of them. I don't want to control them, or influence them in any other than positive ways, by giving them encouragement and praise for all the great things that they are doing. I am sure that they feel bad enough about the things that are not right in their life, they don't need to have it emphasized by me.

I also feel guilty about my inability to get my business venture off the ground. I know that I am a very impatient person some times and I have to take responsibility for that impatience right now and try to do the things I can to deal with what has to be done.

None of the above things existed or were created by you, and you do not deserve to feel my resentment about any of it. There are proper and responsible ways to deal with that resentment and I will take the steps to deal with that starting tomorrow. I am going to book an appointment with the counselor we have through work and start to deal with this stuff the way it should be dealt with.

I know that you may not trust me right now, so I will have to be patient, and that is very hard for me. I love you very much and I want to keep you in my life.

All my love

Bob


My most beloved Eli,

I'm sorry that I screamed at you and scared you. I'm sorry that I spanked you so hard I left a red mark on your bottom. You will never know the agony that caused me. I will never touch you in anger again. I'm sorry that I haven't yet learned better ways of dealing with my own anger. It's my job to teach you about life and how to deal with it and I'm not giving you a very good example. You're so little and sweet and I'm so big and ugly when I get mad.

Being your mommy is such a big and important job. I pray to God every day to help me be patient and remember that you are only a little boy, just learning about the world. It is my goal to raise you without violence and yelling, unlike what I experienced. You are my greatest gift, my greatest love. I don't know why it is the things we love the most that we also hurt the most. I need some help and I promise you I will find it and I will never stop trying to be the very best mommy I can be.

I love you so,

Mommy


Mom im sorry i called u names and said all the stupid things i said I LOVE YOU !!!!!!!!!!

~*!~ S.D. C.



i accused her of doing something she didn't and ended up hurting her feelings with the whole trust issue thank you;

sincerly,
scott


 

Dear Honey,
I'm sorry for always putting you down, and blaming you for all my bad situations. I'm sorry for not forgiving you for your past mistakes. I realize me being unhappy with myself, that you could never make me happy. I'm sorry for not accepting you for who you are. I'm sorry for trying to change you. I want so much to be able to change my actions, I want to be able to stop doing these things, honey it is hard, so please forgive me, and in the future please remind me of this. I don't like to hurt your feelings, or anyone's. I Love You, and please forgive me honey, I may not change, but I do realize I am wrong for not working on my part Etc.

B. J.

 

 

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