Correcting a Child In a Positive Way
Cues To Break Into Inappropriate Behavior
During Conflict
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © l997
Give choices to break into the energy
of anger.
Ask the child to look at his own behavior.
Cue the child and tell him what you want him to do.
- You can choose to use your firm, fair and friendly words,
not your ugly words.
- I understand, right now you are feeling mad. What can
you do with these feelings?
- You have a choice: Talk out your feelings or go to time
out and get your mads under control. (Somehow
the use of the words "mads" makes angry feelings acceptable
to children.)
- Thanks for catching yourself when you felt like hitting.
Good choice! What do you do now?
- Do yourself a favor. Look at what you are doing right
now. Do you like what's happening? What would be a better
choice?
Cues For Self Empowerment to Use After Your
Child Misbehaves
Give choices and ask the child to see the
situation from a different perspective.
- You can go cool down at the back of the room or stay right
here. What's your choice?
- When you are quieter and back to yourself again, we can
talk.
- When you feel bad inside, the only thing that will help
is to talk to someone about it.
- Look at the expression on ___'s face. How do you think
he feels inside? Did you ever feel that way? Tell me about
it.
- I know how you feel, sometimes I get mad myself. Then
I tell myself, "It s okay to be mad if you are firm and
fair about it."
Ask the child to own his own behavior and
correct his error.
- What did you do to get yourself in trouble? What would
be a better choice to make?
- You can figure out what you did wrong and do it right
next time! Let's figure out some choices. Put yourself in
____'s shoes. How do you think he felt when you teased him?
- Are you being part of the problem or part of the solution
right now? How could you change that? We can feel good inside
when we go for solutions.
- You are the kind of kid who can own up to what you did
and take care of your own bad feelings.
- I believe in you. Sometimes it's tough, isn't it? You
are one terrific kid.
Helper Words Helps Children Change
Their Thinking and Behavior Patterns
Helper words or internal self talk helps the child remember
ways to handle tricky situations. The research shows what Chinese
educators have known all along: kids' memory improves when they
talk out loud to themselves. The child's verbalization of a
positive phrase to remind himself how to act helps him store
this information in the brain. Group responses, chants and repeating
the positive phrases many times daily out loud will help children
to internalize concepts that emphasize self esteem building.
The trick to working yourself out of a job as the intervener
of misbehavior is encouraging the children to remind themselves
what they can do to take care of themselves during conflict.
Help children learn to use these and other Helper Words statements.
- I feel good about using my words to talk things out.
- I give up put downs. I stop myself from saying put downs.
- I notice and speak up about hurts.
- I own my mistakes. I feel good about correcting my mistakes.
- I don't have to hurt back after hearing about a hurt
I caused.
- I see how my positive actions affects others.
- I calm my anger. I put my anger in a place where it won't
hurt anyone.
Cues from caring adults are a primary means of instruction
for teaching social skills. Adding these positive cues will
help children take responsibility for their own behavior and
learn to express their feelings. Repetition is the best way
for you and the children to learn new skills. Say these cues
over and over again!
MORE FOR TEACHERS & THERAPISTS
Back To Angries
Out
