Give choices to break into the energy of anger.
Ask the child to look at his own behavior.
Cue the child and tell him what you want him to do.
can choose to use your firm, fair and friendly words, not
your ugly words.
- I understand,
right now you are feeling mad. What can you do with these
have a choice: Talk out your feelings or go to time out and
get your mads under control. (Somehow the use
of the words "mads" makes angry feelings acceptable to children.)
for catching yourself when you felt like hitting. Good choice!
What do you do now?
- Do yourself
a favor. Look at what you are doing right now. Do you like
what's happening? What would be a better choice?
Cues For Self Empowerment to Use After Your Child Misbehaves
Give choices and ask the child to see the situation from a different
- You can
go cool down at the back of the room or stay right here. What's
you are quieter and back to yourself again, we can talk.
you feel bad inside, the only thing that will help is to talk
to someone about it.
at the expression on ___'s face. How do you think he feels
inside? Did you ever feel that way? Tell me about it.
- I know
how you feel, sometimes I get mad myself. Then I tell myself,
"It s okay to be mad if you are firm and fair about it."
Ask the child to own his own behavior and correct his error.
Helper Words Helps Children Change
did you do to get yourself in trouble? What would be a better
choice to make?
can figure out what you did wrong and do it right next time!
Let's figure out some choices. Put yourself in ____'s shoes.
How do you think he felt when you teased him?
you being part of the problem or part of the solution right
now? How could you change that? We can feel good inside when
we go for solutions.
are the kind of kid who can own up to what you did and take
care of your own bad feelings.
- I believe
in you. Sometimes it's tough, isn't it? You are one terrific
Their Thinking and Behavior Patterns
or internal self talk helps the child remember ways to handle
tricky situations. The research shows what Chinese educators have
known all along: kids' memory improves when they talk out loud
to themselves. The child's verbalization of a positive phrase
to remind himself how to act helps him store this information
in the brain. Group responses, chants and repeating the positive
phrases many times daily out loud will help children to internalize
concepts that emphasize self esteem building. The trick to working
yourself out of a job as the intervener of misbehavior is encouraging
the children to remind themselves what they can do to take care
of themselves during conflict. Help children learn to use these
and other Helper Words statements.
- I feel
good about using my words to talk things out.
- I give
up put downs. I stop myself from saying put downs.
- I notice
and speak up about hurts.
- I own
my mistakes. I feel good about correcting my mistakes.
- I don't
have to hurt back after hearing about a hurt I caused.
- I see
how my positive actions affects others.
- I calm
my anger. I put my anger in a place where it won't hurt anyone.
caring adults are a primary means of instruction for teaching
social skills. Adding these positive cues will help children
take responsibility for their own behavior and learn to express
their feelings. Repetition is the best way for you and the children
to learn new skills. Say these cues over and over again!
FOR TEACHERS & THERAPISTS
To Angries Out