Labels Are For Jelly Jars
Teach Children -- Don't Label Them!
Lynne Namka, Ed. D. © l997
Labels! Hyperactive, bad, lazy, troublemaker, delinquent!
Many children grow up in systems that label them in negative
ways. Labeling a child is a way of subtly blaming the victim.
Labeling is definitive; once we say it, then it holds meaning.
The danger of labels is that children tend to believe what is
said about them and live up to that negative expectation. Negative
labels keep children caught in negative behavior. Labeling what
we do not know how to deal with is victimization. Labeling can
be a subtle means of trying to control the child. Yet, at one
time, resorting to labels was what was accepted for discipline.
Now we are seeing different ways of working with children--teaching
children positive ways to act. As the poster says, "Label jelly
jars, not kids!"
Play is an integral part of growing up and is based on specific
skills. Play offers the child an opportunity to learn to deal
with the adult world. Play helps stimulate the neurons at
the synapse level to strengthen brain function. In play, children
learn to express their emotions and put curbs on their impulsiveness.
They learn to regulate their behavior and emotions as called
for by the rules of the social setting. Play helps children
develop good social skills. The research consistently points
to developing solid friendships early in life as a way to
increasing self esteem and good mental health.
Social skills are easy to teach. Children learn the positive
values of treating each other with respect and taking responsibility
for their own behavior. The steps to teaching social skills
are similar to teaching academic subjects except that play
and group activities and discussion plays a stronger role.
- Identify the skill that needs to be learned.
- Introduce the skill through discussion and modeling of
the desired response.
- Give the rule and alternatives to the rule.
- Cue the child what to say and do regarding the new skill.
- Have the child cue himself through self talk.
- Provide practice of the skill through modeling, games,
puppet and doll play, and role playing.
- Reinforce the new skill during practice.
- Teach the child to reinforce himself using self talk for
using the skill. (Feel good about using the skill!)
- Provide opportunities for generalization and reinforcement
of the skill in daily play.
A Twenty Minute Investment a Day
Children who talk about their feelings are less likely to
turn to alcohol or drugs or join gangs. Some of the skills that
can be taught and reinforced are eye contact, smiling, taking
turns, listening to others, inhibiting behaviors that threaten
others, following directions, sharing uncomfortable feelings,
stopping sarcasm and egging others on. Some of the higher level
skills are resolving conflict, listening with empathy when pain
and hurt are described, giving support and encouragement and
creative problem solving.
Social skills training gives children a bigger bag of tricks
from which to choose. Children can learn techniques to deal
with threat and their anger. The habitually angry child can
change his perceptual distortions of seeing hostility and
threat when there is none. He can learn to master the skills
of stating feelings and staying centered during other people's
outbursts of anger and refrain from lashing out at others.
Focusing on choices will give him the time to move into logical
problem solving. Self-angering thoughts can be challenged
and interrupted to inhibit impulsive behavior.
Social skill training complements other therapeutic modes
of intervention such as family therapy, play and art therapy
and psychodynamic methods of therapy. Social competence requires
that we learn to feel our emotions, talk about them and make
responsible behavior choices that are respectful of others
and ourselves. When children learn to feel and talk their
feelings, then they can learn to trust others.
Social skills are fun to teach because we feel good about
ourselves when sharing them with children. We learn what we
teach. What we teach we learn! Sometimes we even teach to
learn!
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